matthew in poetry

I wanna go to a football game
hold up a Matthew 6:1-5 sign
the Bible verse about how people
shouldn’t be pushy with their sky monsters
I mean, it doesn’t say “sky monsters”
but I’m not trying to make money
off the whole religious con game
so I can be a little more honest
than some ancient huckster-priest
pretending to be the apostle Matthew
to earn himself a few more goats
or lovers or pieces of silver coin
whatever his particular vice was

the fake Matthew friend of Jesus
a couple hundred years later
wrote the whole thing more like:

don’t be righteous in front of others
to be seen by them
God isn’t into that
God knows the difference

don’t give to the needy in front of others
just to be seen doing it
like the hypocrites do
in their churches and in the streets
so other people will slob their knobs

(okay he didn’t write slob their knobs
fake Matthew wrote more about trumpets
but that’s basically it, you know)

their adulation then
that’s all they’ll get
God knows the difference

and seriously, you guys
stop praying in the churches
and praying in the streets
like the jerks do
just to be seen doing it
God knows the difference

now I don’t have much good to say
about the Christian conception of divinity
it seems to have little to do with dignity
even less to do with Jesus Christ’s own teachings
but I like that bit
I like that bit, impostor Matthew
writing Christ fan-fiction to lure in more donations
I like that

if you’re so much into your sky monster
shut the hell up about it
live how you think your monster’s son would want you to instead
it even says it in the fan fiction about the guy
from hundreds of years after everyone there was dead

get it out of my face
I’ve got actual good work to do
or I’m trying, anyway

Last updated December 17, 2014