I Hide It in Pain

I often hide the fact that I am in pain. It feels like every time I mention it, it makes me more vulnerable. I should be a strong woman. I’m only 30 years old, why is my body breaking down like this.

I could barely put on my seat belt earlier because my shoulder hurts so bad. I winced every time I reached back to strap myself in. It’s like I’d rather drive down the road, risking my life, than try to buckle my seatbelt because it hurts so much.

I have such a hard time gripping things, and it’s even worse because it’s my left hand and I am left-handed. But I often force myself to do things because I don’t want to be perceived as weak.

Again, I’m only 30 years old, why do I need help bathing or getting dressed. When I sit down to relax, why does it hurt so much to get back up again. Why am I limping to the bathroom after sitting and watching a movie?

I shouldn’t have to think about whether or not I need to use a scooter at the grocery store. Whether or not I think I can make it through the entirety of the shopping trip without having to sit down somewhere.

I wish I wasn’t broken. I wish there were things I could do to make all of this go away…I wish.