all I want for xmas in --

is sleep.

Lorelei has not been sleeping well. I guess I’ve heard of these “sleep regressions.” Cannon never had them because he never slept from birth. ;P
Anyway, she has been waking up a lot, and then staying awake for a couple of hours super early in the morning. Last night it was 4am, today it was 6am, so I guess that was a little bit better, but not really, because I am dead tired either way.

I’ve been struggling just to function. I’ve been so, so busy for the past couple of weeks on the weekends AND the weekdays, so I’ve had no time just to rest and I can’t catch up on sleep because I don’t get much of it.

I’m just trying to get through it. I really don’t want to give Jacob anymore time to do his paper, which should have been done a long time ago. HE IS STILL NOT DONE, despite me giving him multiple days and evenings to do it. I don’t understand it. I get all of my reading, homework, and papers done while the kids are around. In less time.

Also annoyed because my sister won’t wear a coat, no matter how cold it is outside. I don’t understand why teenagers don’t wear coats. Is it not “cool” or something? Yeah, it must be totally cool to get sick.

Still having to clean up after a grown man every fucking day of my life and I’m rather sick of it. I fantasize about having my own place so that I don’t have to. I know I won’t ever follow through on it though, I love him too much and splitting up over that seems silly.

You can tell that I am agitated from getting no sleep, right.

I kind of want another baby.
I guess I am crazy.
Jacob says we aren’t having anymore.
He almost left me because after Cannon I said I didn’t think I wanted more children. So I had another baby. But I love her to pieces.
It’s always his decision, isn’t it.
I guess he is the one with the career.

I’m feeling bitter today. Just need sleep. More sleep.

I hit my head really hard on the car door somehow and now there is a raised bump and it’s bruising. My head hurts from it. Ouch.

I need to put everything into perspective. There’s rioting going on a few hours from me. A community is grieving. my problems just seem petty. I know that. I understand that. I can be a pretty whiney person. I’m surprised Jacob puts up with it. I don’t know. I am too hard on myself sometimes.

Last updated November 25, 2014