Next Stop, Self Destruction. in And The Rest.

Imploding, exploding, I’m shattering in slow motion, the pieces fall like glass.

My heart beats too hard and too fast, it shakes my whole body, it pounds against my ribs, I forget how to breathe.

I play Russian roulette with oncoming traffic. Not okay.
I put metal things in the toaster just to see if it will hurt me. Not okay.
I’m really, really not okay. It scares me.
My arms are too messy to hide.
Last night the police brought me home.
I’m a ball of distress and I’m coming undone, unravelling, falling apart.

I’m a disaster, I haven’t happened yet but it feels inevitable, inescapable, I’m afraid of myself.

I don’t know how to stop falling, I don’t know how to save myself.

I think I will just close my eyes and wait to hit the ground.