11/20 in --

Cannon is playing with Lorelei and she is laughing at him and talking to him. So cute! I wasn’t sure Cannon would like having a sibling but he seems to. He has a difficult time not being too rough with her though. I always have to remind him how to do “nice touches” and not jump on her or pinch her fat. He is obsessed with pinching her fat rolls. Weirdo.

Lorelei can sit up by herself (sort of), but she hasn’t rolled in awhile. She can move herself up from a laying position. She tries really hard to sit up while she’s laying down. I’ve never seen a three-month-old do that before, but she has been doing it for about a month now! If I set her down in a sitting position propped up against something, she will usually straighten herself out and sit by herself for a few minutes. Wow, she’s growing fast.

I haven’t been getting good sleep. I woke up three times last night, for an hour or more. I am a zombie today. I didn’t fall asleep until after midnight and then I woke back up at 2, because Lorelei got up, and then I couldn’t sleep. I woke up again around 4 or 5 for an hour, and then Lorelei got me up at 8.

I just really need more and better sleep. I’ve been doing this really awful thing to Jacob; I’ll wake up in the middle of the night super grumpy and start laying into him about how he isn’t helping me with her and how I shouldn’t have to ask him to and blah blah blah. I’m getting mad at myself just typing it. I turn into a different person when I’m grumpy. Granted, I’m always tired, so I guess it just builds up.

And since we’ve had no time together, that doesn’t help the situation. I calmed down last night because I was nursing Lorelei and he massaged me and touched me and it was really nice, and I NEED things like that on a daily basis. I just need him. I feel lonely and resentful sometimes because I don’t get him often enough. And I feel really selfish for it. I hate feeling like I’m such a selfish person. I wish I could just do life without feeling like I need more. It seems like I am never completely satisfied. :\

My sister is going to be here late tonight so I’ll get to see her for a few hours tomorrow before she goes and gets her son from Oklahoma. Then on Sunday she is coming back here with him, and we are all going to get the kids’ Christmas pictures done. I’m very excited! So that’s something to look forward to.

That’s another thing about me… I always have to have something to look forward to, or a goal to be working towards. Why can’t I just be content.

Last updated November 20, 2014