Expectation v Reality in Book One: The Not So Daily Briefs 2014

When I was growing up, I spent a large amount of my time with female friends. There are any number of reasons why most of my friends were female; but I swore I would listen to all of them to learn what it would take to one day be the perfect husband. Obviously, every woman wants something different but I presumed that there would be things that overlapped. For instance; some women want to be held when they cry, some women want to be left alone when they cry, some women want someone to just sit with when they cry. BUT almost all of my female friends wanted their boyfriends to care when they cried… ask them how they were, what was wrong… that kind of thing. So… for almost two decades, I developed a list of traits and behaviors that I felt would make me the perfect husband and father one day. Of course… the irony is… I married a woman that was entirely different from all of the women I had known previously.

Here’s an example:
I used to be a terribly light sleeper… especially before my medication… but I’d not let it bother me too much because I’d try to figure out how it could be a positive. For instance… if I was a light sleeper and my wife wasn’t… I’d be able to hear the baby in the middle of the night and take care of it.... so I could be that guy that gets up with the baby instead of being the husband that “doesn’t do enough.” Or… the one I really liked… I used to think— Adults have nightmares, too. Most of the women I know get really emotionally upset when they have a nightmare or something like that; so I figured that being a light sleeper would be awesome because when my wife has a nightmare, I can be there to hold her and comfort her and be a shoulder to cry on.

Fast Forward to actual reality....
Early this morning, I was awake. I don’t know why exactly, but I had just awakened- my wife still sleeping beside me- and I was trying to consider whether I should try to go back to sleep or not. Suddenly- BAM! My wife shot up in bed and started flailing. She’d had a terrible nightmare involving insects on her and under her skin… really icky stuff. But… uhm… yeah. No crying, no comforting, no holding… she just… had that experience; went through it; and went back to bed.

It isn’t an annoyance or even a peculiarity… but it certainly triggered all of this in my mind. That… I did have all of these expectations for what married life would be like… and what it actually is like is nowhere close to what I expected… so, yeah… it has only been 3 years; but I’m still sorting out the difference between expectation and reality.... and when/if expectation should be met or reality accepted.