Patience, Sweet Girl in The Day To Day Ramblings

I’ve been battling a soul sucking head cold the last few days. Head colds are obnoxious enough on their own, what with their stuffed up yet runny noses, their sore throats, their exhaustion, their puffy eyes, their swollen sinuses so full of pressure you feel like you were punched in the face…but add in taking full time care of a tiny baby and being solely responsible for making enough breast milk to feed the tiny human and…it’s been a rough week.

Leah thankfully hasn’t caught it (yay antibodies in breast milk!) but I am down for the count. Rob has been wonderful and helps in the evenings after work and in the early mornings when I just can’t get up for the fourth time in seven hours and I’m delirious with exhaustion both physically and mentally…but oof. I feel like I’m on fumes here.

Because I’m that kind of person of course I’m now kicking myself for not getting any exercise in this week and my Fitbit is a sad, sad little gadget. I also have a dog who spends her entire day sitting like a sphinx two feet away from me and staring at me intently, waiting for any sign that I might take her outside or go for a walk or give her any attention at all please anything oh please oh please. My guilt over her extreme change in lifestyle has taken a backseat but it’s there. I’m really ready for winter to be over so I can take Leah and Claire outside at the same time. Temps in the single digits with wind chills below that just make it too hard to have Leah out there and so Claire waits. As always, Claire waits.

I tried playing with her in the backyard today but if there’s one thing a cold hates, it’s cold temperatures. Standing out there with the wind whipping and the snow up to my shins and me hacking and coughing and wheezing just walking up the deck stairs…I felt like the hottest mess I’ve been in awhile. Claire, of course, revels in having my full attention. Not my half attention when part is with the baby, not my quarter attention when Rob is also home…but my entire attention when I can coo at her and tell her she’s beautiful and throw the frisbee over and over…like how we used to.

Does anyone remember that song “When She Loved Me” from Toy Story? That’s exactly Claire’s life. Big, sad sigh.

I’m hoping with the return of better weather in a few months and the return of my health in a few days and with Leah getting older…life will get better for Claire. Give it time, sweet girl. I know in dog years these last three months have been an eternity (Every day is a week! Every month is seven months!) but I wish I could convey to my sweet beautiful pup that she’ll get me back again. We’ll hike again, we’ll swim again, we’ll be outdoors and we’ll be active and she’ll get me, all of me, again.

Until then, it’s heavy sighs and sad long faces and patience. So much patience for my darling, wonderful dog. She was my first child, scoff at that as you may, and she has been the most loyal, kind, gentle, calming and constant presence in my life since I met Rob. I hope I can give her back as much as she’s given me, once I get some semblance of order and structure and schedule back in our lives. Your mama loves you, pup. I’ll come back to you.

Last updated February 11, 2015