it's weird. the dynamic's changed. good place but um sad. ay omething i'm giving up on you. in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.

oh how the tables have turned. um. for months I was frustrated w/ evan bc he wasn’t doing anything. but now that he’s moved he’s doing stuff. he’s been to the gym he’s working on getting a job. but I think in order to do that he needed to move. and now he’ gotten frustrated w/ me. bc i’m not doing anything. yes i’m eating more but not better. I don’t feel good ever as he pointed out. I don’t utilise my fukin resources. and I say that I will but that’s different than actually doing stuff. it’s so easy to say things. I’ve been doing stuff each day not in regards to like. going to the store more often or taking the vitamins I don’t have. but like other stuff. I usually do my laundry twice a wk. and other things like that.
his newest approach is well, we’ve talked about the same damn thing for months so he’s not going to waffle on about it any further. well good that’s what I want. no really that’s what I want from people. is for them not to try anymore. really for the most part he’s done all he can for me. so we’re in a good place. it’s.........it’s a weird place it’s a sad place but it’s good. and I wonder if this is his way of slowly letting me go. or not even that really but like. he’ll be there for me but from a distance. he’s been supportive as of late and I’ve acknowledged that. and that’s all I want. is for him to be supportive. is for him to just be there. well I also want to be there physically and to get involved in that way but well. that hasn’t happened in awhile. just bc I moved out of my place. and even if he was here for me I don’t know that i’d be receptive to that honestly. maybe I would maybe I wouldn’t. bc of my depression bc of my ptsd. yrs. ago I wouldn’t’ve been and then I was almost 2 yrs. ago and now i’m not again. cause yeah. I don’t think his love is enough right now. not..........not bc of him but bc of me my stuff my issues. and yeah that make me sad. but it also is what it is.