so like i put i'm at odds w/ evan. [again]. *really long, legnthy* in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.

‘again’ cause for those who don’t know it happen a lot. so um idk. we’re both frustrated w/ the other. and i’m frustrated about the whole christopher thing so i’m projecting that onto evan and I think he gets that. I don’t feel like explaining that to him or apologising right now. but ya know......maybe it’s ok not to explain/apologise right away. what I mean is maybe life doesn’t have to move that fast. i’m not big on apologise. you know someone could go ‘i’m sorry’ in reference to them fuking up. um and? yeah it’s nice but it doesn’t do, anything. it’s not being effective. I don’t expect them to tell me it won’t happen again esp. if it will. no be honest about it. I mean acknowledge own up to it but don’t........like.........apologise. I jut don’t like the word ‘sorry’. I also don’t like it when people apologise for things they shouldn’t. like someone bumps into you. and they go ‘sorry’. no just own up to it. [not that there’s time to do that usually]. be like ‘I bumped into you. if we see each other again it might happen again’. although that seems rather pointless and frivilous as it’s stating the obvious. but you also don’t want to not acknowledge them i mean that’s not v. nice. I say ‘sorry’ a lot actually but it’s cause. er. it’s an anxiety thing.
yeah so anyway. back to my main point. um............oh. right. evan issues and frustration and such. well he’s angry w/ me cause to him i’m basically wasting my life. this happened like a wk. ago. he was angry w/ me for wasting my life. for not trying. no and I get it I totally get it. that’s the exact same reason i’m angry w/ my friend the one who um. offed herself. I think I’ve blogged about this. yeah I have. so yeah it happened last sun. the........um the 9th. I think he’s still angry about that but we’re on a different issue now. so now. he’s frustrated w/ me cause of the eating thing. er my anorexia rather. cause I don’t try.
- well no I do I’ve been eating more the past.........2 wk. more not better just more. I’ve had rice and refried beans [not together] um mashed potatos. pasta. I had corn once. had graham crackers recently. I jut don’t like vegetables. except for corn which I really like. or steak. [‘everyone’ thinks i’m a vegetarian but i’m not]. I’ve had pizza. and if I don’t like something I won’t eat it. pizza’s actually one of the few things I want right now. oh and sweets. but see I think that’s his problem. I don’t like vegetable and so therefore like I just said. if I don’t like it. won’t eat it. I don’t like milk but I’ve been drinking it cause there’ nothing else to drink except water which I also don’t like. it tastes funny. not everyone can tell but yes it does have a taste. well I like vitaminwater but I don’t drink that during the fall/winter. I like soy milk but the issue w/ that is I don’t like thick drink. bc they’re thick. smoothies milkshakes and such. I like soda. and tea though I prefer bottled tea. and thing is. I don’t have enough bus tickets to take the bus to the store to myself [which apparently i’m allowed to do] bc I spend them going to my mom’s and she’s been out of town for 3 wks. and so the bus tickets I do have I want to save for. going to my mom’s. [where I can go to the store and get food]. the only issue w/ having jenn or stephanie take me is I have to plan in advance. so they’ll have time to take me.
the other night in fact recently he asked me when the last time I aw a dr. about this and I went ‘you’re funny’. I, never have. or for anything else. no I already know what they’d tell me to do to solve it and since I know that i’d just be wasting my time. and I don’t like doing that, so. I don’t take my fukin vitamins I haven’t in. like. almost a yr. 2 reasons. A: I have an aversion to things in pill form and 2: even if I didn’t. i’m not allowed to take them by myself. no I have to take them w/ someone watching like i’m fukin 12. which, makes me feel incompetent which, I really don’t like. -
um so getting back to my point. [again]. right so that’s why he’s frustrated w/ me.
i’m frustrated w/ him [again. yes this also happen regularly] bc 1: I have to wait. for him to validate me. the way I want him to. and I’ve mentioned this a few times. and usually i’m the kindof person who’ll keep mentioning something until it get done. depending on who i’m talking to. like he hasn’t owned up to. something he did [oh yeah that’s another reason] and I’ve stated just do it and i’ll let go I won’t mention it. [well for awhile]. I’ve him told via textmail exactly how I want him to validate me and then ‘in those exact words’. [and yes I already know his side of this, so].
I don’t want advice or his side of things or anything. i’m just giving the news.