Good Friday my.... in The Kid Used To Dream

Don’t get me wrong - I love working from home but sometimes I get tired of the 4 walls! I get tired of being the person answering the questions. I get tired of having to keep up the moral. I get tired of being taken advantage of. I get tired of going along to get along. I get tired of not being able to express my true feelings. I have bad days sometimes and would like to share that. It’s something I’ve never had the permission to do. I would get a therapist but she’d think she’s the reason. I would take up a hobby but it would conflict with something she wants to do. This journaling thing really doesn’t help. I spend too much time hoping someone will read and respond. That’s not healthy.

If I could I would travel and play music 5 out of the 7 days and for the other 2 I would sit in a dark room with a blindfold and noise cancelling headphones.

Holiday weekends get me in my feels. There’s nothing to do - nowhere to go. But even if there was - I probably wouldn’t do it. I have a rich colleague that has been hounding me to come to one of his parties. As much as I crave for something - I don’t want to be around that many people without the barrier of a stage between us. How screwed up is that? I want to have companionship - but I don’t want to be around people. I’m emotionally lonely and can’t stand crowds. 🤣🤣🤣

It’s not really that messed up because while I don’t care for being IN the crowd - I love being in FRONT of them. I very much miss just being the 2 of us when there’s no one to perform for.

Maybe this is what early mid life crisis feels like - I guess I should consult with ChatGPT for how do deal with it. It seems to be the only voice of reason I have to lean on lately.