I'm not Spiraling, I'm Surfacing. in Current Events

Something has shifted in the winds, brother.

My emotional waters are calm, but I can feel the undercurrent. It could pull me under if I let it. My emotional world confuses me. I don’t have access to my emotions the way most people do. I can feel a positive force pushing me forward without a concerted effort. When I do what comes naturally, this isn’t what comes naturally.

They’re just emotions. It’s just chemicals.
They’re just thoughts. It’s just bodily noise.
They’re just words. It’s just wind.

I have been letting myself suffer. I need to build resilience. Growing my willpower was the wrong approach. I need to reduce the impulse. I can only do that by letting it all hurt. I feel like I am experiencing everything differently. There is no weight. Maybe I’m just in the present, for once. My heart isn’t in the past and my mind isn’t 10 steps ahead.

It’s like my inner compass is realigning to something higher than survival. Serve God and the truth. These words keep crossing my mind. I can’t help but feel that something is coming. Something external or internal that will ignite something within. I don’t want to overthink it and force meaning. I just want to continue to let the currents move through me and not rule me.

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Saviour
-Hillsong United

Note to self:
God is in the works, not the words.