i know i'm playing w/ fire. but it's so damn beautiful and i don't care. scared fragile vulnerable. abuse? idk in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.

I don’t want advice, or anything. I just want support. please.

yeah so i’m 60 - 70% sure that last night while drunk evan threatened me. well except. there wasn’t a threat involved. no it sounded like it was actually going to happen. I haven’t told anyone who can actually do anything about it cause that would be admitting i’m still in contact w/ him after telling everyone i’m not, so. I told mark and asked if he would do something about it [mark doesn’t know a whole lot about what went down almost 2 yrs. ago] but he didn’t seem willing to, so. or comfortable w/ it. evan’s never threatened me until last night. he said he’d come to my door but he didn’t say what he’d do once he got there. it happens again i’m telling Muriel I don’t care. I told evan that too. I know i’m playing w/ fire here but it’s so damn beautiful and I don’t care. [no of course I don’t I have ptsd ad not caring is part of it. if I didn’t have that part of it then yeah I would care]. I have cared and I will. but bc of my depression I don’t believe I deserve better. then this constant back and forth Jekyll and hyde. verbal abuse [oh yeah he also verbally abused me]. I genuinely believe others believe I do. but I don’t believe I do [and telling me otherwise won’t help, so]. no I believe abuse, is all i’m worth. which yeah is really sad.
I know everyone has their own opinions of what I should do and how they’d handle it. and I know people mean well. but telling me how to handle this won’t help. i’m fragile and vulnerable and scared right now. I just need support. please.