Wine Is Not My Hobby, Mother in The Stuff That's Not Interesting But Is The Most Interesting Stuff I'll Write

I talked to my mother for the first time since before Valentine’s Day. It was a long talk, and she’s kind of a bit lost with herself. I get it, and I understand it but I had to point it out to her because she didn’t seem to comprehend. I told her that she has empty nest syndrome.

She tried to argue with me, “I’m too old to have that” or “that’s not true, you moved out over 20 years ago and I was fine!”

20 years ago, Cameron and Chuckie were still babies. Cameron would’ve been 8 and Chuckie would have been 6. When you still have children that young, you don’t have time to miss the dramatic teenager that just left. And for the record, although I didn’t bring this up, I didn’t “move out”, I was “thrown out” because I was gay. Subtle difference.

Chuckie and Cameron have lived with my parents their entire lives, and have apparently just moved in together in their own house (with Chuckie’s wife).

The last time my mother had a quiet house where she was all alone would probably be 1994, because I lived with my grandparents at the time. And, unlike in the 90’s when she was in this situation, she’s now unemployed.

She told me she talks to the dog all day. The problem is, that’s Cameron’s dog and once he finishes putting all those boxes away, what is she going to do when he takes the dog with him? I’m afraid my mother has some deep soul searching and self-confrontation to do, and unfortunately, unlike me, she’s not very good at that. I’m not always the best at it, but at least I’ve gotten some good practice at it.

I have spent most of March in a very kind of odd monk mode. After the concert at the end of February, and mostly because I enjoyed the concert sober, I decided to give up booze, cigarettes, sex and other assorted shenanigans for the month. Every time I tell someone about it, they get all glassy-eyed and say, “Don’t you feel so much better and clear-headed?!”

No. I don’t really feel any different. The only thing I can truly say about it is that I’m boring. I dont mean that as if I can’t have fun, I can, but I’m more risk-averse, which is supposedly the “grown-up” way to behave, but it’s also boring as fuck. I mean, how do you think I met the porn star (he’s been visiting China to make content, which was very amusing the other day when one of his videos popped up during my private time because I had never seen one of his videos before… I had no idea he is vers)

One side effect of all this free-time is that I’m actually caught up with work. Next week are the final exams and usually I’m scrambling to get shit graded before I get an avalanche of exams. But my desire to be free to spend time with Limp means that for the first time, I was totally and completely caught up. Once the exams are finished and I grad them next week, I will officially be on vacation until the middle of June.

This will be my first vacation in over a year. The last time I had a week go by without a class was in November 2023. Since I started at the university that November, I have had a class every week (except for a few circumstances like inclement weather or whatever, but I had to make up those hours)

With the exception of a workshop I volunteered to teach in April, I have almost 3 months of vacation. I need it. Unfortunately, I won’t be going to take the class in Chiang Mai like I had planned simply because I’m not getting any money back for my taxes this year and that was going to be my discretionary fund for living i n a different city while still having to pay rent in Bangkok.

Part of me wants to see if can afford financially to get out of the city during Songkran. It’s like being in New Orleans for Mardi Gras, that’s for tourists and people who want to pretend to be alcoholics. I hung out with the real alcoholics and we never went out on St. Patrick’s Day or any of the other super heavy party holidays because it was too dangerous. Alcoholics know how to keep themselves safe and that’s usually by not spending time around other people who think they’re alcoholics but don’t actually know their tolerances or own deficiencies when drunk.

Amateurs are unsafe in any situation, especially alcoholism.

And social media.

By the way, I’m on Bluesky if anyone wants to find me on there.