1. Lucky Kid in The Stuff That's Not Interesting But Is The Most Interesting Stuff I'll Write

In my devastation, I was not really wanting to go out and party too much.  My mental state on the inside, despite the brave front I was putting on, was actually quite dire.  Keeping step with the craziness of the past week was beginning to take its toll.  I hadn't felt so defeated since I'd been homeless in Chicago in 2007 and I wasn't really sure I had the energy or patience to put up with those types of things now that I've gotten more world-weary.

It was with that mindset that I got a text message from my friend Mikey, whom I had mentioned briefly at the end of my Indecent Proposal entry.  He was this gorgeous stand-up comedian that I'd met and made friends with weeks earlier while out at karaoke.  He hadn't really paid too much attention to me, although we'd laughed our way through the evening.  Mikey had told me that he wanted to get out of the house, and despite my attitude not really being ready to venture out, I realized that keeping myself trapped inside wasn't going to do anything but give me a chance to stew, so I agreed.

I got there early and met with all my friends that I've made since I started hanging out at this bar in January.  It was great to see everyone, chat and not have to think about the drama that had been happening.  I was laughing and not really drinking, I wasn't sure my depression and alcohol were a good mixture.  Out of nowhere, I saw Mikey at the bar.  He was still damned cute.  Nice skin, amazing smile and a backwards cap. 

He greeted me warmly, and we headed out back to chat.  We laughed and caught up on each others' lives; it was nice and relaxing.  He started meeting the other people, and it was funny because I realized that he didn't really chat with anyone besides me last time he was here mainly because he was with his best friend who was noticeably absent this evening.  The night wore on, he was making friends and we were exchanging remarks about how friendly everyone is when he suddenly kissed me.

I think the shock was etched on my face for about five minutes.

When he kissed me again, I got even more flushed because I realized that the vast majority of the people in the bar were my friends and I'd always kept relatively aloof.  I got embarrassed.  My mind was vacillating between thrill and shame.  I can't really explain it.  It's been so long since I've expressed affection in public, I suppose that's what I get for dating mostly confused straight boys for all these years.  When I said, "Wow, you must be drunk" it suddenly hit me what was really wrong... 

I've become accustomed to the idea in my head of the kind of guys I attract, either old men or 19 year olds who are using me to test out the waters, so when I met Mikey, I sort of friend-zoned myself.  I do that with a lot of guys, I don't give them a chance to express any kind of affection.  I also realized that I have a lot of insecurities about my looks... it was really disconcerting because I'd always thought I'd faced down a lot of those demons ages ago.

Mikey didn't just kiss me once, he kept kissing me the whole night.  We weren't drunk, we'd barely had three beers each (and we're both experienced drinkers), it was actual affection.  I gave in and kissed him back, but I kept laughing in my head because now I was that guy who was making out at the bar, something I never thought I'd ever see myself do.  I kept trying to pull myself out of my head each time I saw myself getting drawn into it.  Ironically, when we got outside the front door of the bar, that's when he got nervous about kissing me.  It was funny.

I went home that night feeling like I'd won the lottery.

This is us the night we met doing a silly pose (I don't really look like that in pictures, I swear).

My good luck continued the next morning when I got a call from the school informing me that they'd found my keys.  The high of happiness lasted several days until I got crossed with a very interesting situation...