RAD: Hinge Girl (Psuedonym In Entry) in Much Ado About Nothing

RAD means Rate A Date. I know that most people who frequent this site probably know that without my saying so but… always best to mention the meaning of an acronym before using one. Not to mention that the entire concept of an RAD or a situation in which in RAD would be merited is (at best) rare for me (so it seems).

Now, I don’t know why exactly I didn’t reach out to confirm on the DAY OF. It is something I tend to do after reading the Online Dating Article suggesting this maneuver. Of course, as with everything regarding human interaction, the article says ONE THING but its opposite might be entirely true. A sadistic sexual predator may have been sexually abused or raised in an abusive house where sexual comments were met with violence. A boy being mean to a girl may mean he hates her or that he has developed romantic feelings for her. Humans are, by and large, an oppositional lot. While the article suggested doing a DAY OF confirmation to make sure the other person knew they could back out if needed, thus communicating safety; it is incredibly easy to see how some humans would see that as either non-committal or weakness and cancel the date entirely because it sounded like you were “unsure”. It is a thing I’ve done before but did not do for this date. Upon further analysis, I can assume I did not do this for one of three reasons.
(1) I have so enjoyed the numerous and quality text conversations that we have had that I did not wish to give her the out. Which… indicates my feelings towards her but suggests a red flag in myself.
(2) Our conversations this week have had her waking around 10-ish as she is on Spring Break and I wanted to be on the road by 10 as a 2 hour drive should always be given 15 to 30 minutes of “comfort time” in case of pitstop or interstate traffic jam.
(3) I was so focused on getting other errands taken care of before leaving that it slipped my mind entirely.
Whatever it is worth, I did not send a confirmation text. But as I was driving, at about the halfway point, which (btw) is the town I lived in from 2018 to 2022; I realized I needed caffeine. So I stopped, bought a soda and a breakfast item, returned to my car and checked my phone. I had a message. She had woken up and wanted to make sure that we were still on. So she sent the confirmation text. Which indicates that either we both read the same article or that she’s done this enough times. Though, frankly, so many times in our conversations I’ve felt that… we think very similarly. I originally wrote out a whole thing about intending to send a similar message but forgetting and how I am absolutely still in if she is and… then I deleted what I had written and simply said, “Absolutely! I am still in if you are!”

I arrived at the agreed upon location about 20 minutes early, but it gave me an excellent opportunity for State Dependent Memory. I’d been struggling with memorizing my audition monologue but remembered that the majority of work I did on that monologue in 2021 was outside. So, standing outside waiting for my date, I started working on the monologue. AND I remember… about 89% of it. There are some words that drop off and some sentence structure I need to rework… both of which are understandable for Shakespearean work, especially when speaking as a Regal Fairy and in Verse. At the appointed meeting time, I received a text message. “I will be a little late. I can’t find where I set my keys.” I laughed a little and wrote, “Oh, I did something like that just the other day! I set my keys down, walked away, woke up the next day and… couldn’t find them anywhere!” … then I deleted what I had written and simply said, “That’s totally okay! I’ll see you when you get here!” But was, of course, thinking about it more deeply. You see, many (perhaps MOST) would not have sent a text and just shown up “fashionably late”. Good people would have just texted “Sorry, may be late”. MY people would text “May be late, here’s why”. So… that’s actually a positive at this point.

I apologize for a lack of detail in what follows. As to physical description? I cannot be more specific in her overall appearance than this:
She both is and is not what people think of as “my type.” Like… I honestly think, if you gathered 100 people who REALLY deeply knew me… you’d get 40.3% saying “Oh, definitely. Totally Chris’ type!”, you’d get 35.3% saying “Oh, I don’t know. I mean, I can see it. But I’m not sure, I don’t think she’s really Chris’ type at all!”, and you’d get 24.4% saying “No, I don’t think Chris’ll go for it at all.” Which is a weird place to be. And definitely where demisexual can enter into things. Because I’ll admit, I am sexually attracted to her… but then, we’ve been texting and building a relationship of some kind these last 12 days. That said? Visually? She has long, beautiful, healthy hair. Truly. Lovely to look at, and I am almost 99.9% certain lovely to feel. Like… the kind of long beautiful hair I was already thinking about running fingers through. She has a lovely face, though I’ll admit it had familiar qualities that I’ll circle back to. But- seriously… her fucking eyes? Like… I understand when people have a hard time looking into someone eyes for various reasons, I… would never have that problem with this woman. They photograph as a turquoise so on her profile I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. They have both green and blue elements and… those are some GREAT eyes. And… after the appropriate amount of time, I mentioned that to her. Told her in my befuddled, semi-awkward way how beautiful her eyes were… and I saw that flash of bashful on her cheeks and that look of “Oh, he gave me a compliment on my appearance. How do I respond?” and THAT will always be incredibly cute! Don’t get me wrong! Confident, capable women are hot and I’m not disparaging anyone of that demographic. But being able to actually see a compliment land on a person? That’s… fun. That’s cute. That’s one of those “in movies, we would depict it as two awkward people reaching for each other’s hands and then fumbling the contact” as far as what may now be referred to as adorkable. And while this likely means nothing to anyone, the colors she wore? She did a full face of makeup which… I forgot what that was like, lol. No criticism to that at all! It’s just… Nancy wore make up all of 6 times while we were married, Victoria and Essen were of a “why bother” perspective, and Hermia could only do it with help from me or her child. Seeing someone do eye makeup just to meet me therefore is a huge step out from my last 2 decades. But I’m not focusing on the makeup. Or the jewelry, though I did note she wore a necklace and matching earrings; which I always appreciate and saw very rarely. She wore a pair of black capri overalls, a forest green underthing (didn’t want to stare, couldn’t tell if it was a bra or undershirt), and a purple crochet cardigan. Let me break that down for you… first meeting… she wore BLACK, PURPLE, AND GREEN. The only “equal to or greater than” would have been BLACK, RED, AND GREEN but that could have been too aggressive for a first date. But… purple and green we definitely vibe. It should surprise no one that I wore all black.

Our conversation was good. Did the who’s your family, where’s your family, what are your interests, what are your politics, what is your education, how do you feel about the abominable species, she is certified in SCUBA and prior to significant injury, was brilliant in soccer… we talked. And talked. And talked.
Her parents are divorced. Her father is a British Immigrant (still with full British Citizenship) but both of her parents are re-married. She is the oldest of the kids and while there are half siblings and step-siblings, that’s not important. If I remember correctly: 2 or 3 younger sisters and maybe a brother. My date herself could be summarized by TITLES which seems cold and inappropriate but can help people understand a person via shorthand.
She is a Jewish Autistic New York Liberal with a Graduate Degree- a College Professor in Biology. So.... lots of layers to that which both speak to me and would piss off my father, lol.
The Autistic New York Liberal.... makes sense. I’ve never been to New York; but the idea of a Liberal who knows what it is to navigate a competitive world? That tracks. I’ve never dated a Jewish person before; but I’ve dated Lutherans, Pagans, Wiccans, Agnostics, Atheists… as far as “World Religions” are concerned, this is more “keeping it in the family” than dating an Anti-Theist.
She herself has been divorced and brought it up, which makes it easier to mention my own divorce. It also bonds us on that level as I have had too many encounters where people are opposed to dating a divorced man or have other objections to “a divorced man.” And we discussed it and we’re both adult and sensible about it. At our age, it is silly to expect a person has no history and honestly it is the people who HAVE no history that can be the most problematic. So… hurdle successfully jumped.
As to the familiar perspectives? One of my favorite friends in High School dated a friend’s little sister. Without intending to sound like a shit.... they were New York Jewish transplants. And while my Jewish Friend (now rabbi!) didn’t look like the sister… the sister had a similar face shape. The smell? I suck at describing smell. It is the KEY difference between movie/tv acting and stage acting (there are a lot of differences but that is a key one) and so I’ve always KNOWN I suck at describing scents. BUT .... I never knew if this was a worn scent or naturally occurring but the smell of Buffy when we were dating… was the smell of this woman! Every nasal in-breath was confirmation of a pleasant memory! And then talking to her? This may come off wrong but… talking to her reminded me of talking to my Twin Cousin before she had kids. Like… that familiarity, that comfort, that quick bond.
I like her. Mentally, emotionally, and physically.

We were to meet at 12:30. She arrived late, but not too late after that. We didn’t leave the cafe until after 4!! That is a more than 3 hour conversation!! And at the end of it? It was more “We’re ending this to respect each other’s time, not because we want it to end.” THAT SAID because I am who I am… there was no physical contact. The LAST thing I ever want is to make someone feel unsafe or uncomfortable. I would have really liked to hug her… embrace her close and breath in heavily from my nose.... just… had an intense sense memory of that encounter… but I’m trying to build future opportunity not grab short-term experiences.

My phone died on the drive home. When I arrived and plugged it in, I already had a message from her wishing me a safe trip home and mentioning how she had enjoyed our time together. I did, too, if I’m being honest! We texted a bit today (sunday) as well.

I’ll tell you… there are three things in my mind right now

(1) 2 hours each way is a long-ass drive to enjoy someone’s company. And while she can and does drive, her commute to work each day is 37 miles each way. So, she drives 74 miles per day to get to and from work. I drive 5 miles roundtrip to work. So at least during the School Year, I wouldn’t feel right about having her come to me. I would be hesitant to even have her meet me half-way, though I’m certainly toying with the idea. During the summer, far easier, of course. And my brother and his family live in the town she does… and the town where she lives is close to where my parents live (as she works in the town my parents live) so it wouldn’t be difficult for me to find my way “around her area”. But it is something to keep in mind. 200 mile drive to take her on a date where she is.
(2) In the beginning, everyone seems to be a good fit but for the glaring red flags. Rável was certainly an exception; but the honest truth is that… if I am attracted to a woman and she indicates that she isn’t repulsed by me? My mind pretty much thinks, “I can make this work.” So it isn’t terribly great with discernment… as the pages of this internet space likely support.
(3) We’re both awkward as fuck. Which can be cute, and adorable, and adorkable, and all of that- sure. But… that also opens the door for miscommunication and… considering? She smelled like Buffy. She’s familiar like family. I didn’t even ask to hug her when we left. I alienated Buffy because I couldn’t get past my own awkwardness and touch her. I’m sure we’re better friends now because of that but… I never found an acceptable way of telling Buffy how sexy she was. I’m thrilled for her in the NOW- she has an amazing husband, wonderful life, fantastic children… it worked out for her. But… I found her… almost overpoweringly sexy. She had struggled for too long with body image issues. Me NOT telling her, showing her how attractive she was… it’s no surprise she broke things off. But… add my “genteel” nature to a long-distance situation and.... it brings up concerns. That our mutual awkwardness will present issues.

So that’s where we are RAD style. I would love to see her again. We’ve exchanged phone numbers and are continuing to communicate. I am definitely attracted to her. We’ll see where it goes.

As to the promised pseudonym? It’s… complicated. See… while she spells it differently, this person has the same REAL name as AKU. Aku being the ex-girlfriend that tried to rape and kill me. So that’s… also.... something in my mind. Now, with her being Jewish, of course, my mind jumps to something like Rebekah or Rachel… but her overwhelming passion for D&D (which I see as a plus) makes me think more Vox Machina… so… I’ve settled on LAURA for Laura Bailey. So… Hinge Girl shall be Laura.

Widening the scope a little… no, I am not treating this as us being exclusive at the present time. I am still on the apps and using the apps. Lately, unfortunately, what seems to be happening is that I swipe, am asked for a prompt connection, connect with the “NO TRUMPERS!” by saying something like “I agree whole heartedly! It seems to be the default in our area!”, they will respond to THAT with “Right? It’s a damned shame!” and then no matter what I say, the conversation ended without a response. SO… I am finding the Boo Trump people in this state.... but either they aren’t interested, live a ways away, or find something about me detestable. But for now? I’ve got Laura… and my brain instantly whispers “So don’t fuck it up.”

I am already hundreds of PB entries behind on reading, I am sorry. Sunday did not prove to be a “lazy dead day” as so many before it; but it also was not “the most productive day ever” so… I find myself constantly with at least half of a TO DO List undone.