Walk of Shame in Current Events

When it came to that community walk, I made it to the shelter. I made it into the shelter. We were minutes away from heading out when I handed them my vest and told them that I had to go. Jonah wasn’t there. Neither was Tara. I needed a familiar face to feel grounded. I’m weak, I bring shame to my family… but we already knew that.

The houseless came to me in the end. We have never had so many community members come to our office for food and harm reduction. I’ll attempt another walk next Tuesday. It’s like going into the belly of the beast, it’s not exactly a leisurely walk.

Met the new admin guy at work. He’s just a baby, he’s 19. He’s an ego lifter. He injured himself badly lifting weights. He’s going to train to be an MMA fighter regardless. He’s another playful Pisces. He made fun of my age but I wasn’t offended. We all get to be young, not all of us get to be old.

Our boys mentioned our elder. They miss him. We were told to end our business with him. We advocated for him and now we just have to wait for some background checks. We mentors miss him too. They also asked when we would play our drums again. Now we gotta learn some songs for us all to sing. Then find events to showcase them. I had a panic attack the last time we performed.

The program with the older kids, we are going to team up with them and do our own community walks, potentially. Our kids might be too young for the walks but we can prepare the food. The coordinator of the other program mentioned the area we could do the walk at. It’s not in the belly of the beast but I will check with our Program Director first.

Another program hosted a program at the office today. It’s the program I actually interviewed for. All youth programs are in my building. This one mentors youth transitioning out of the Child Family Services system. They aren’t setup with any skills when they lose that support. One of the women they have been mentoring has a support worker that she loses in a couple of weeks. She loses everything. She is just tossed out into the world to make it on her own. She has FAS. I am so scared for her.

Our little brood of bros is falling apart. We will have new kids in our program soon enough. The one I am most worried about has been pulling away. We used to be the one place he wanted to go to. My coordinator barely recognized him when he saw him last. He was quiet, had his hood up and wasn’t very present. He’s usually the biggest and loudest person in the room. It’s my turn to spend one on one time with him next week. I’m the one he has opened up to in the past. I hope he is willing to join us next week. I may pull a 10hr day Friday and see if he wants to get together that evening.

My coordinator mentioned that three years is long enough at our organization for him. He’s halfway there. He wanted the experience for something else. I can’t remember what that is because as he was talking, I was trying to imagine my fragile little world without him. I love him like a brother. I’m stuck with him 40 hours a week.

I’m stimming. He randomly said to me. He totally was. He was tapping his fingers on the table while one of our boys was handing out Uno cards. I never knew any of these were ADHD tics until I met you and I’m so glad that I know now. I reckon that it must feel good to be so understood by someone else. He’s so full of ADHD and I can see it so clearly because I can see it so clearly from myself.

Blah. I don’t know what I’m feeling right now but I had to type my day out before bed. I can tell that my coordinator was going through something today. He asked me to drive when we ran our errands. He then got me to put on this song. I think we all need a breather. Find something to do to blow off some steam.