I have in Journal
- March 10, 2025, 3:21 a.m.
- |
- Public
never been one to really internalize my beauty or goodness.
And that’s not, so far, a huge tragedy. It has caused me to develop deep thought, to utilize my not-insignifiant intelligence, and to pursue virtue. And more importantly, it has staged me for this time in my life, when I can consciously weild it. As I look back at my destructive younger self, I feel grateful that the power and wealth of weilding beauty was withheld from me. Because now I have a long time preference.
There are significant problems that I have created, however. Not the least of which is having to manage the father of my children. He is full of hate and vindictiveness. I can see the wounding of my son in particular. While I do feel protective rage, I feel it most strongly against myself. For, I chose and created this. I cannot either simply demonize his father’s behavior, or any redemption is lost for my son… I must have exquisite maturity and ability to hold them both on a way that each may grow. Obviously, that means the father of my children is not my partner anymore, but a mere necessary attachment that I must now take care of. And that kind of sucks, but it ain’t nothin I can’t handle.
And the CLEAR, OPEN, SPACIOUS opportunity I feel is so amazing. I will find true love. He is out here, in this true clear space, waiting for me.
Downsyde ⋅ 4 days ago
Again... I must be missing something, why take on that burden? Your son doesn't need a redemptive father to find redemption himself
Miss Chiffs Manager Downsyde ⋅ 3 days ago
A child cannot witness one parent attack or defend against the other with bitterness and hatred.
That destroys a child's identity- a child has a completely undeveloped consciousness. He perceives first, the world as his mother. Then, the entire environment he is exposed to, including mother and father and household family, as the world, and slowly, his world expands. It is just how the mind of a small child develops it's conscious awareness.
To make one part of that world an enemy of another, for the little child, is to break his wholeness.