wont understand in Riverdale

I will never understand their reactions. Such of destain.such pissing and moaning.looking at me with such strain.im just trying to live.survive.because I want to eventually thrive.i wanna live a different way. Be happy.not miserable.help people. Not take away.led the way.if I can even get out of this bullshit. I dont know. Trying as hard as I can. Sometimes Im too honest. They say its the best policy.but the worst thing about this policy.is there are no refunds.on this.telling the truth is like holding a loaded gun.playing russian roulette.dont know if the bullet will be a blank.or whether it will land. And in whose hands?i dont like to chance is.but sometimes im not given a choice.i have to tell it or lie.i dont know why. All I know is I dont wanna sink down.i dont wanna bow down.i dont want to drown.i wanna be able to smile.be proud.be ok with it all. Have a little bit of pride.and Ive fallen so many times.im not ashamed.even when they try to blame me.even when they point and laugh.sneer and try to attack.they dont realize admitting defeat is the bravest shit you can ever do.it takes courage to show your vulnerability.because theres a huge risk and realization that you can realize what really is true. Faster than fronting but inevitablity better than ever because than you can move on. And not look back and wonder what if?what is? You will finally know how far someone will go. Dragging you down the hall. They cant stand to see youre face. They are appalled.you see how ugly they can be. And they will never realize it or care.but what can you do.gotta keep going with a piece of you missing.sad.heart broken. But inevitability once again I will rise up.beat the odds.wipe the tears.and see whats truly there. What is truly near.and never have to wonder why.why would I?why would I?