Blasphemy and the Price of Resentment in Everyday Ramblings

Every week I choose a photo I have taken that represents in some way the time or place I am in for my class reminder I send to my students. When the weather is a little better than it is presently, it is usually a contemporary photo. One I have taken on the day or during the week I am creating the reminder. I use different photos here.

But today I am using the same one. This is a shot I took on January 20th, 2018, on our Eastbank Esplanade. This is a statue of our long-time mayor Vera Katz. It is hard to believe that this was seven years ago. Mrs. Sherlock and I were walking over there on a Saturday morning like today, only it was slightly warmer. It is below freezing out there now.

I hit a bit of a wall this week. One I didn’t expect this early in this new year. I was totally overwhelmed and at the same time procrastinating a bit on a few things and then I attended a Zoom meeting that was contentious, and I am like, ugh. I believe in the messy working of democracy, but this seemed to be fueled by an underlying grudge and history. It was also meant to slow down an agreed upon change that is in the works. A kind of sore loser thing.

These are lovely people, people I like, people I will need to work with for the next few years and I even kind of understand their point of view, but really? This is the bridge you are fixing to die on. Metaphorically, of course.

The next day I walked downtown for another meeting, one I was much more relaxed about with our President and Office Manager. About halfway there, I and a woman to my right stepped off the curb at exactly the same time when the walk sign light changed to green. I was in the middle of the marked crosswalk and the next thing I know a car hood is about an inch from my left hip.

A loud blasphemous expletive emerged from my lips.

I scooched forward out of harms way and turned to my crosswalk companion and apologized. Then the woman driving the car apologized, she had stopped when I yelled. I made a gesture with both my hands with a little headshake to her that was something akin to, really, that wasn’t oaky. I know she had the afternnon sun in her eyes, but wow.

Gratitude abounds here. It was a car, not an SUV or a truck. She was going slowly. It was daylight. And so on and so forth. But I admit to being pretty shaken up.

That night I had yet another meeting. One that was in person about 15 minutes away that ran a couple of hours past my usual bedtime. This person has a job and a kid and… I got to sleep okay later but didn’t stay asleep.

So, I was toast the next day. I decided to skip the weekly dialogue with the guys across town. I was slightly anxious about slippery sidewalks as it was hovering at freezing when it was time to leave. I taught both my classes that day and did some needed chores around the place but basically it turned into a mental health day.

Which is kind of funny when one considers that I am retired.

My nervous system was all riled up. There was a long dental appointment in there the day before as well. Nothing difficult, just a lot of time in the chair.

Hovering over all this is the feeling of being on the lip of the apocalypse. There is so much about my prior job that is reminiscent of what is going on in so called leadership in this country. I find comfort in that in a weird way. I survived the horrible job and have gone on to a much much more enjoyable life.

I need to have faith that we will survive the next four years, and that we will be able to resuscitate our democracy after it is all over. In the meantime, the clown car is all gassed up, the inmates are running the asylum, and we are in for 2nd, 3rd, and 4th rate individuals who have managed to be born with a certain look (Pete and Pam) from central casting that will be making terrifying decisions as climate change inexorably levels the field and distracts us all.

What I do have faith in, is that human kindness exists, and I will do whatever I can to facilitate its expression wherever I am able. That’s my commitment heading off into the crazy year(s) ahead…