No. Don't do a vember: 5th in Book One: The Not So Daily Briefs 2014

Yesterday was… good-ish. It is funny. I really don’t have awesome/awful days anymore… I have “this day was easy” or “this day was less easy” days. Like- yesterday… not much happened. Period. I went running with my wife, we watched a rerun of some TV, she ironed clothes and watched Project Runway reruns while I played Destiny and read. So… not a thrilling, exciting day; but a day without any major conflicts. I’ll take those. Today has been cracking up to be similar. Though… I did actually get the wife to say “I love you” today. She… never says it anymore. Really. Not even as a “You too.” I don’t know what it is, I asked her and she doesn’t know what it is… but there you have it. Knowing that today was one of those fun days where I work fairly early and then come home about 30 minutes after her shift at work starts… this morning I gently placed my hands on her shoulders and said “Let’s get it out of the way early today: I love you.” To which she just looked back at me and said “I love you.” Oooookay. Maybe that is the point. Maybe there is something to this ADHD riddle of self that means I have to literally grab her, stop her in her tracks, and force her (even if only for a second) to deal with the now.

Speaking of family stuff though- my cousin with Down Syndrome turned 16 this week!! :0 ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! (1) I was in high school when he was born; to know he is 16 now just… damn, I feel old. (2) It is a function of the condition; but it is interesting how little his face changes while his body continues to grow. I mean, I love him dearly and his parents are amazing but… it is strange to look at pictures of the family and watch time affect all of us but leave him relatively unchanged. (3) Interesting sigh of relief. Granted, people with Down Syndrome don’t have too short a life expectancy anymore (55 on average, with outliers as high as in their 70s)… but as with all things in the modern world… It amazes me where we are. A hundred years ago, we’d be counting the days to his death and now? He’s just hitting his stride. It’s just… really cool.

In other news.... completely unrelated news.... wow… I need to learn how to organize thoughts better. Because, you see, there was something particular I wanted to discuss… something I find interesting, maybe disturbing, and curious… but there really isn’t an easy or appropriate way to transition from “Cousin with Down Syndrome” to.... what I wanted to write. So… get some mind bleach; forget what I’ve been writing about so far… BLANK PAGE:
ANYway… I’ve been playing Destiny, studying for the bar exam, watching porn, and honestly thinking… “It’s a shame I don’t have more friends I can just call and hang out with on a given evening” and an obvious thought hit me.....

Isn’t that what the internet can do? Okay, maybe that isn’t how I want to say it. But… technically, the internet is able to connect us to billions of people instantaneously; it allows us to communicate, organize, and plan; the internet should be a place of community and connection. And… it might be. I might be able to easily find a webpage or forum where- whenever I need help in Destiny… I can just log on, ask who is playing, and form a Strike Team. I might be able to jump online and put out a Nebraska “All Call” for people studying for the Spring Bar Exam… see if they want to form a study group, or share study tips, or something. I might be able to find an AdultFriendFinder website or Craigslist ad… find someone who is willing to offer some form of discrete date/sexual release for a married man. I might be able to find a website that helps adults make friends in the city they live… a social community page that connects people based on their interests....

Of course… all of those webpages and forums exist. Everything you can think of exists on the internet. But… apparently, I am “CAN’T Boy!” living in “NO City.” Because… the Destiny Forum thing? First of all- honestly, don’t know where to look. Second of all- I have a VERY difficult time trusting people. At all, really. So… setting up a time to play video games with perfect strangers? Doesn’t make me the most comfortable. Bar Exam Study? Sure there might be small groups of friends studying… but this shit is competitive and brutal… I’m not going to trust Anyone else unless I know we have a relationship outside of the bar exam… because then, they will be less likely to try to screw me. And AdultFriendFinder and Craigslist stuff? Please. Anything that costs money AND is super shady AND creates a paper trail that could bury me if I ever run for office? You must be out of your mind! And finally… the friend stuff? Those websites that connect local adults with others who are interested in similar activities. (1) those things make me shy as hell, because I’m wicked old fashioned. If I don’t know someone in a room, I want to be introduced or announced before I enter. Something to make the “Hi, I’m introducing myself to you because I think I’m important enough to take up your time” element easier. (2) OMG- as great as Omaha is for music… it is anti-social hardcore. They don’t have dance clubs, they don’t have “hang out bars” they just have BARS. They don’t have meet up places besides concerts, even. It’s like… an entire city of “If you’ve lived here for more than 5 years, you’re in… if not… call us after you’ve been here longer.” Gah.

Switching Gears Again: As should be obvious to a regular reader- I haven’t much been keeping up with the NoJoMo. Part of that is- well… nah. ALL of that is because of my reaction to certain prompts.

“Things I’ve Previously Done I Never Thought I Could?” That prompt? That could be everything or nothing. If my testicular torsion hadn’t been corrected THE DAY it did (yeah, docs said I was 3 hours away from losing both nuts entirely)..... so… uhm… reach puberty? lol… I live by can’t/won’t/should/shouldn’t so… that wasn’t a brill prompt for me.

“The People You Most Admire?” Again- everyone and nobody. I admire my brother for finding a way to take his natural talents and, not only improve, but create his own company. I admire Jet Li for his dedication to his spiritual path and his amazing martial arts work. I admire… a lot of people. But they’re all just people. I learned a long time ago… humans fail; humans can be selfish… it is funny. The girl I refer to as “Buffy” is the only person I can say I admire that I truly don’t feel has ever given me a reason NOT to admire her… which may be why we dated… because… her having broken up with me, now gives me a reason.

I am somewhat interested in today’s prompt… “Dear ____, it weighs on me that I never told you” but frankly? I mean… there are some things I’ve never told my wife… but I wouldn’t say them here necessarily. There are some things I’d like to say to Elizabeth; but I’ve already said them before. Really… other than telling lost loved ones one final thing; or convincing young Me to take more risks… can’t really think of anything.