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Winter lull in A transparent lockbox

  • Dec. 22, 2024, 4:51 a.m.
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Lately, I’ve felt exceptionally dull. In conversations, I feel that I have nothing to contribute. There is just so little on my mind that feels of significance. I don’t think I’ve had a thought of importance or meaning for weeks. Maybe I’m just meant to be a consumer right now. Take everything in, watch movies, listen to new albums, etc. Sometimes I wonder if my antidepressants are the cause. I have lively times where I feel sharp, but there are also times like now.
The main thing that has me feeling so lifeless is that I got into an argument earlier, and while I’d usually feel heated, tense, upset, emotional, shaken, etc, this time I just felt nothing. I was being yelled at and told to fuck off and it felt like I was just talking about the weather. In thinking of the weather, it very well could be a seasonal depression issue. For previous winters, I would just let myself slip away into drinking, weed, or work, but I’m completely free of distractions. I don’t even feel bored, I just feel nothing.


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