Tears in 2020s

Yesterday, I broke down in tears over my health issues. I took a nap, which gave me a bit of energy, and then I scrubbed the kitchen. But after just 20 to 30 minutes, it damned near knocked the wind out of me.

Today, my energy levels are a little better, though I’m still horribly stressed and feeling overwhelmed by my health issues.

I hate to say it, but if nothing can be done for my allergies in Florida, and if I ever have the energy to do so, maybe it’s time to consider moving back to a cooler place as long as it isn’t as cold as Oregon or Massachusetts. Maybe there’s somewhere similar to the last place with affordable land that isn’t a world away from civilization. It wouldn’t be as ideal as Florida’s climate, but it wouldn’t be extreme. I should have known this would happen, given I had similar issues with humidity in Massachusetts. They even told Termite Tammy to get the hell out of Florida. If she’s in Connecticut, as I suspect, I wonder how she can afford such an expensive state. I’m pretty sure her first mistake still lives there.

The more I think about it, the more I think Tom has a good point in wondering if my allergies might be affecting my breathing while I sleep. If they bother me while I’m awake, they’d certainly do the same while I’m sleeping—especially since I don’t open my mouth much when I sleep.

I also think it might be worth having my fatty tumor reevaluated. Galileo said it was harmless, but they wanted to check it a year later to see if it had grown. Well, it’s definitely much more than a year later. AI said that even the slightest change could affect hormone production and, therefore, energy levels.

My thyroid is definitely stabilizing because my weight is down. It’s been about a month since any skipped or missed doses, so it’s had time to build back up, especially since I wasn’t starting from scratch. That’s why I’m leaning more toward sleep apnea or CF as the culprit. There are some slow-growing cancers that take years to develop and could cause fatigue, but I just can’t see that as a possibility.

Right now, I just feel so fucking overwhelmed with trying to find the best health plan, picking out new doctors, going through all the paperwork, and trying to figure out what’s wrong with me—and how to treat it in a way that won’t make me feel worse.

Anyway, I was able to mop the kitchen floor with our new string mop, and it looks so much better. Fortunately, it didn’t knock the wind out of me either. The RoboVAC just doesn’t do a great job mopping so every now and then I have to do it myself to get at the stubborn spots.

He crashed early because he donated yesterday, which always makes him tired. So he’ll be up early, and we might go out to eat at Denny’s. I definitely need to get the fuck out of here.

I had a dream where I was holding dumbbells and marching briskly in place, realizing I could pick up my pace and go longer because I was getting into better shape. Too bad that’s not likely a premonition.