The funeral in After OD

The funeral was today. Dad was cremated, so no viewing. We came to find out he may have been deceased for longer than we were initially told. His last outgoing phone call was on the 13th. His body was discovered on the 21st. We’ll never have real confirmation of when he actually passed, but we decided that due to the circumstances, a viewing was not a good idea. I’m okay with that because I want to remember him as being alive, and not an empty shell.
The turnout was good. The majority of visitors were friends of mine. I am blessed to have a lot of people that care about me. My brother had some co-workers stop in. We also saw some family friends that knew my dad from our church going days decades ago. A handful of my dad’s friends and business associates came. I don’t know if there weren’t more because we didn’t know of everyone to inform, the obit only ran for a day, or if he was on the shit list of many people. In all honesty, my guess is that it was a good combination of the three.
His ex girlfriend came. My brother, myself, and my mother were not exactly pleased, but we all made nice. My parents divorced 20 years ago, and for the most part remained amiable since. Despite what they both say, they’ve always loved each other, but just could not make it work forever. Lord knows they tried, for 28 years before calling it quits.
The ex girlfriend hasn’t been the actual girlfriend in at least a decade. No one ever understood what dad saw in her. She turned out to be a bit of a nut. She never could let go and I guess they kept in touch now and then. She seemed fairly upset and that’s her right, but it was awkward, making a difficult situation worse.
We didn’t have a real service. My dad was an unconventional guy and so it was only fitting to have an unconventional send off. My brother and I asked our uncle (mom’s brother) to speak. He has a preaching background, but he was also the reason my parents met. They were best friends at one point, but had a falling out somewhere along the line that damn near became a fued. It was a dark cloud over our family. And so I felt that it would be closure for us all to look past the differences and let it go. I was surprised he agreed, and maybe the waterworks I let loose obligated him, but he did it. He spoke of how they met, the positive qualities he saw in my dad, and then opened the floor for anyone else to speak.
A friend of my dad, his realtor of 33 years stepped up to say a few words. He got really choked up, which surprised us all, but really touched me. He had some kind words and a small touch of humor.
My daughter’s ex boyfriend, Justin, spoke next. Despite their breakup, he and my dad had hit it off and spent a lot of time together this past year. Kindred spirits, I guess. He expressed how kind and generous my dad was to him and that he learned a lot about life in the short time he knew him. He credits my dad with making him a better man. Justin’s positive outlook was uplifting as he said he knew my dad loved the Lord and is most certainly happy where he has gone.
Finally, my husband chimed in. At this point I was a bit of a mess, and I don’t even recall exactly what was said, but I know it was the truth and truly came from Rob’s heart. Then my uncle gave a short prayer before everyone left.
We then had a luncheon at a local place and invited everyone to attend. We had just over 20 people show and I got to sit and decompress a bit with my closest friends.
This spring we will take my dad’s ashes to Kentucky and spread them at the red river gorge, at his request. His sisters will join us there and we will have a small gathering at my aunt’s house afterwards.
Now that the chaos of a funeral is over with, the real work is about to begin. His will names my brother and I as co-executors and everything is to be split 50/50. The problem is, he hasn’t done much, if any preparation for his eventual passing. He owned various properties, had multiple business dealings, various vehicles, and simply left an unorganized mess, both literally and figuratively. My brother and I are dreading this. Thankfully, we are on the same page and in this together. My dad owns my home and my brother and I agree that our first order of business is to make sure it legally becomes mine. Without that sense of security, I don’t think I can begin to approach anything else.
At this time, I am exhausted. Physically and emotionally. I never would have guessed I’d be in this situation at this time. I’m sad and I’m scared. I know one day everything will be settled and life will go on and I just have to keep swimming until that day comes.