It was a lovely service in Vulnerability

The funeral was as wonderful as I expected it to be.  I didn't know how I was going to go today, but I was the third child of four doing the eulogy, and I managed to talk my way through it, in front of probably 150 or so people in the chapel.  I don't think I lifted my eyes from the page much though.  I was shaking with nervousness as I awaited my older brother to finish his part, but everyone I spoke to said they thought it was a wonderful eulogy.

As expected, my mum was a mess, but fought her way through.  All the grandkids and great-grandkids put something that meant a lot to my dad on the table by his coffin.  I'd taken along a rain gauge and a packet of Polly waffles, which were my dad's favourite treat.  I'd worn my dark sunnies and utilised them a few times.

We went over the road to the Garden Of Rememberence, where six of us carried the coffin over and watched dad get lowered into the ground.  Mum had gone around to the three different farms dad owned and worked on over the years, and collected soil from each of them.  Those in attendance were welcome to scoop some of the soil into dad's grave.  It was a lovely touch.  It was also quite a rainy day, and dad would have loved the rain.

I didn't know who a lot of the people talking to me at the funeral or refreshments afterwards were.  I did have one interesting situation where last night a blank profile was chatting to me on Grindr and said he was sorry for my loss.  I find blank profiles annoying at the best of times, but I thanked him anyway, and he mentioned that we were distantly related, somewhere through my great grandmother on dad's side of the family, whom I never knew.  Anyway, turns out he was the organist at my dad's funeral!  Probably at least 25 years older than me, as I'd suspected, and he made it clear to me how cute I was.  Man, some gays will just try their luck anywhere!  Anyway, I just told him I appreciated that.  

My aunty Wendy was an emotional wreck.  I've already written about it, but I feel she see's my dad's passing as a premonition for her husband (dad's brother), who also has a stage 4 blood cancer, and things don't look great for him right now, especially since a lot of his spine has been eroded from his radiation and he's pretty much bed-ridden because of it 😞 He was watching on the live-stream and both the minister and my older brother gave him a special mention.  

My nephew Sam didn't end up attending, which I thought may happen.  I'm sure his cunt of a girlfriend would have played a part in that.  I wasn't sure how much I was allowed to tell some of my relatives at the funeral about it, but I did anyway.  I've never met her, but I'll name and shame her.  Anyone who doesn't let their partner attend their own grandfather's funeral is a vile piece of dog-shit.  Anyway, he must have been on the phone to my mum before we arrived, and he was so distraught that mum spent the whole call trying to calm him down.  Even my older brother (his dad) is at the point of worrying that he may self-harm.  Lordie.

Mum did well today, considering.  We held her hand a lot, and my brother-in-law held it while us kids presented the eulogy.  She had a lot of love and catching up to do at the funeral, and I saw cousins I hadn't seen in ages.  Just a shame it only happens at major life events.  But everyone goes off and does their own things.

My Aunty Tundra (mum's sister) and my younger brother will probably be staying with mum until maybe even Christmas.  My older brother and I are pretty keen to try and get back to some sense of normality, but we'll see how mum goes tomorrow.