Life is just crazy. in Since OD is shutting down....

So my previous entry was from a few days ago, I had forgotten to save it. Anyways, I took my boyfriend to the airport Monday and he got back Thursday. I cried my eyes out when I dropped him off and I can’t express how happy I am that he’s home. Last night, he had to dig my ingrown toe nails out and both had sharp points, no wonder I was in so much pain!

My daughter woke up after a nightmare last night and told Dad that her bio Dad has threatened to break into our home and kill him. She said she heard him say it in her dream and that’s why she woke up. He was very upset and didn’t sleep at all and has to work another 12 hours today. I think it’s bad enough that my daughter has a counselor that sees her every week at school for the past 5 months after the last time she had seen him where I had to call the cops to get her back and now this.

I know that this shit bothers her a whole lot and I do the best I can to make sure she understands that this is why she doesn’t see him. I guess he told her that bonus Dad can’t protect her and that’s really bullshit. She shouldn’t need protection from her bio Dad to begin with and then he goes and tells her that no one can protect her?!!?

The guy is a danger to my child and I am so ready to pack up and get as far away from him as possible. He just doesn’t get that constantly making threats, calling names, and not being able to provide for her is why I don’t bother trying for him to be present. I have him blocked and I blocked him on my daughter’s phone as well. I understand now more than ever that unless there’s a court order, I don’t plan for him to see her ever again. He has created more than enough problems for me all these years and I’m worried that he’s going to cause my boyfriend to leave me or end up in jail. My boyfriend is very upset and I do worry what he’s capable of.

If the devil can’t reach you, he’s going to send a deadbeat baby Daddy. I honestly don’t think he’ll be happy until he completely destroys me. I think he wants someone to get mad enough to take him out. I think he’s a very miserable person that needs to inflict it onto others. I truly believe he’s evil and I want him to stay away from us. He’s only happy when he’s causing problems.

I understand that I probably deserve at least some of this because I’m not a saint but after 8 years, it’s overkill. My daughter doesn’t deserve one bit of this and neither does my boyfriend. I told him how sorry I was that he walked into a shit show. I finally have the man I wanted my whole life and I just want to be able to focus on my family.

I took my daughter with me earlier today to make money and it was fucking miserable. She was getting bored and I didn’t make shit. I don’t know what I’m going to do but I’m broke as a fucking joke. I cringed spending $13 on a fucking turkey. This deal where I just don’t make anywhere near enough money is making me super depressed. I finally got my paycheck from that job but I’m going to put that towards rent. I’ll still be a couple hundred short. Now, school is out for a week. I do think my Mom is coming to babysit on Tuesday and Wednesday so that will be a help.

It’s cold and gloomy today. It was foggy this morning. I definitely get seasonal depression and I’m feeling it today. I’m upset that my boyfriend has to go to work for a couple of hours in the morning because we don’t get nearly enough time with him and then he has to go in tomorrow on his day off.

We’re home and I don’t plan on going back out. I’m tired and cold. I need to make money but I don’t want to take my daughter with me. It sucks at how much she’s suffered because of shit ass people.