Go in peace in Vulnerability

I will be glad when this stops dragging out tbh.  

Dad is at least back in Pittsworth, where he wants to pass.  It may not be at home exactly, but he needs to be where he can get the support he needs, so he's at the local hospice building thing.  My mother, sister and one of dad's sisters (my Aunty Vicki) are currently doing 8-hr shifts with my dad.  I don't know if I could do it tbh.  Dr Kate (the town Dr) has said that she thinks my dad has a matter of days left now, instead of weeks.  He seems to have deteriorated since I saw him 48 hours ago.  

The worst thing is, dad's hematologist  doctor in Toowoomba rang my mum this morning apologising profusely to her, because the nurses took my dad in to give him another lumbar puncture.  He has always hated those, even when he was far more healthy, as they are excruciatingly painful.  All procures and most of my dad's medications were suppose to have ceased, and they did this to him this morning!  Needless to say, the family are fuming!  

The group chat with my siblings is lit up this afternoon.  We seem to just be counting down the hours now.  I've managed to go back to work for two days now, and I have a dentist appointment tomorrow to try and sort out the discomfort I'm having, and I managed to get into my doctor this morning to get a script for my medication that I've run out of (finally) and I asked him if he thought I should get a blood test, so he is testing me for two different things.  One is my cholesterol and I'm unsure what the other one is, but I did tell him that my dad doesn't have much longer left.  He did mention me getting a prostate exam, as I guess I'm at that age now, but I thought that involved a finger up my arse, not a vile of blood haha.  Anyway, he said he'll probably just email me the results, so I hope that's the case.  I'll know by Wednesday.  I may even have to rush out to see mum again by then.

I just want shit to settle down.  My mental health has reallllly been stretched to it's limit this year and I'm not sure how much more meditating I can do, although I am extremely thankful for it.  I did a grief one tonight, and I pictured myself doing it with my mother.  Pre-meditative?  Is that where that term comes from?

I'm pretty sure my dad will pass before I write my next entry, as things seem to be declining quickly.  I don't want my mum and sister doing shifts alongside him.  That's not fair on anyone.  I just hope he goes peacefully.