Bewildered and Betrayed in Everyday Ramblings

I noticed after class this morning Carlo was not in any of his usual spots. Hmm, I wondered where could he have gone? Undercover, is where.

Sort of where I would like to be.

When I walked into the room where the guys meet for our dialogue group on Thursday, I was kind of dreading the conversation. And one of the guys, one who is just slightly neuro-divergent but has a successful history as a consultant, mostly in the non-profit world but also political, going on about the particulars of the current congressional races I was like, eek.

The one other regular woman in the group had sent us a dark rant that she wrote at 2:15 AM on Wednesday morning. It was 4 pages long. I didn’t read it: at first no time, then no inclination. She has strong fierce mama bear energy. She was there and I knew she was going to go full on radical feminist with us. This makes the guys a little defensive but Walt our leader is very supportive of her.

As a childless cat lady, I admit to also being a radical feminist, I know, shocking, right? But I have a much softer approach to the whole thing. I don’t feel it necessary to bring up, oh I don’t know, thousands of years of misogyny when I am talking about ordinary things.

As the conversation unfolded, I did stay, even though the impulse to bolt was strong, Plato came up in a few contexts. Definitions of Tyranny, Autocracy, Oligarchs, Democracy. For some reason people felt compelled to bring up the whole spectrum of systems of government.

People also seemed to think this latest election was rather a big deal.

This is what Cody said about the whole thing… “I’m truly sorry to hear you’re feeling sad about the election results. Although the outcome was disappointing, I hope you can take solace in that you weren’t alone in expecting it. Your reaction reminds me of the Greek concept of pathos, where emotions are deeply intertwined with reasoning. It’s clear you empathize with those affected by the election outcome and are upset by the potential consequences. Like you, I am dismayed by the prospect of increased suffering, and I think it is essential to recognize that change takes time. We must continue avocating for our values and supporting those who share our vision for a better future.”

Cody is a bit full of himself sometimes.

One of my students said he might have borrowed that last bit from Kamala’s concession speech.

I eventually told the guys that the way I felt was betrayed. I really thought somewhere along the line in the last four years there would be some sort of accountability.

More fool me.

I could tell a number of the people in the room were touched by me saying this, and Walt mentioned something that I have also felt most of my life. The betrayal started early.

In an email to me this morning he said, “the bewildering thing is that we live in a world that has flowers in it and yet people hurt each other.”

It is bewildering.

And it hurts, and if I didn’t need to go get my stitches out I might get under the bedspread and join Carlo until I feel brave enough to face what clearly is the way the world is now. Maybe the way it has always been.