November 4 in Scott

I am sitting here with a sense of disbelief that USA has come to this point where we decide on a very sane, intelligent person to lead the USA or a complete idiot. I will try not to read the news tomorrow. A sense of breathlessness. What happens with American elections tomorrow and the day after we’ll decide the fate of the world. It’s quite simple: never give a madman idiot nuclear codes. It can ruin everybody’s day.

On a brighter note, I did my usual shopping today. I felt very good because I said “good morning“ to close to 15 people. The majority of them returned my greeting. It felt good. When I was leaving the Kroger store along with my own basket, I found for others to take to where they are kept. It was amusing to see the looks on some of the workers faces. Most people just leave that stuff lying around. It’s no big thing since I’m going in that direction of the exit, a basket or two.

Over a year ago, I learned about the concept of authentic self. I was acting when I went to work for 40 years. I had to do what I could to fit in and at the same time I was always an outsider. I never liked the social activities of the company that seemed so forced. In therapy I was encouraged to find that authentic self. That is my true self, my horse self who I really am. The no bullshit self. I found him and I liked him. It turns out he’s been there all my life sometimes just covered in the judgments of others and trying to please others. I was talking with the manager of a grocery store this morning and I told him I’ve reached a wonderful state of being where I just don’t give a fuck about so much or what someone might say to me. For example, a woman was saying something to me in the grocery store in a very serious way. I did not hear it and I did not care. In the parking lot I saw her and I did give a fuck. I got her attention as she was loading her groceries and I yelled at her with a nice smile to have a wonderful day. She smiled back and told me the same. It was all good. Care about some things that can bring positives don’t care about others that bring negatives. Election it can bring negatives or positives.

It occurred to me today thinking about how far I’ve come in my personal growth to wonder about the whole concept of ghosts. As a child, I believed in them because that’s what I was taught by society and my peers these things called ghosts. Later in life, not believing in them not believing in religion or any afterlife. I got to thinking we all are different at different parts of our life. For example, I am definitely not the same person. I was 30 years ago. Let’s say you have a ghost someone that dies. What would their image look like what age of their living life would they look like?What personality? Would they be sane or crazy? It’s like OK I’ve got this very long, spiritual life behind me so which of me am I going to be when I’m dead and annoying the shit out of people? Or not. Which is very much a reason I don’t believe in ghosts or spirits, etc..

In a similar vein as the idea of the authentic self, if you were to live to be, let’s say 90 years old what would your authentic self look like? Sound like? Would it be a highly evolved inner child? If we were to cut ourselves open, hypothetically, what self would we look like? Just an idea I’ve been throwing around myself. I would like to think that I would be some kind of light of a pleasant color emitting a warmth enjoyable to people. I guess that could also be the same as spirits or ghosts. Maybe they would look like in some light form as I hope the best person they ever were. And how fucking stupid it would be for that light to hang around where they died. Poor Bob, he died in the shitter. Now he’s stuck there. Poor bastard.

It is such a bizarre thought that Tuesday and Wednesday of this week will decide the future of the world.

But hey, I smiled at some people today and they smiled back. I gave my birds food to nurture them. In that it was a very good day.