November 2 in Scott

It fascinates me that I never imagined I would live this long nor have this life. There was a time I expected to be married for life, but that did not pan out. Then I expected to be homeless and die anonymously. Life is good now because I have all the basic necessities of life and my two birds. Other people could look at my life in my attachment to my two birds, how much love I feel for them and laugh. I don’t give a fuck it’s my life my joy.

As I’ve noted before I have tree branches in my living room that I have zip tied to a rough framework. I wondered how the birds would react to it after all that work I put into it. I was so delighted when they flew up into the tree branches And jumped around. Tonight I watched a TV program on a streaming service. My two birds above me to my left watching me and watching the TV. Good company. At one point I decided it was time for a snack. I opened a container of sunflower seeds as I did so Max flew onto my shoulder, knowing what I was doing. I put her up in the tree branches next to Buddy and I fed them sunflower seeds. Maxi was a bit of a bitch by grabbing a seed and trying to bully buddy away.

This morning, I was honored when Maxi indicated she wanted to take a nap under my chin. I put my hand up, palm down under my chin and maxi, walked out on the back of my hand and made herself comfortable under my beard. It was such a joyful feeling for me to feel her there. Soft and warm. She does that when I get on the treadmill I think she likes the rhythm. Sometimes both birds will lay on my chest at night and of course I cannot move. I do not want to disturb them. I believe the enjoy the sound of my heart beating. There is an intimacy to that. It’s good to see the savage beast, buddy, relaxing on my chest instead of trying to kill me. He is hilarious. They both are. I knew it was time for us all to go to bed tonight when Maxi tried to take a nap under my chin again. Unlike other times in my life, I’m trying to be mindful about all this. To feel the moment and savor it. It would’ve been good for me to learn mindfulness when I was young maybe even a child so that I could enjoy life more instead of rushing through it and ignoring so much.

I am making some progress consciously ignoring thoughts and memories of my past. This morning I got up and I realized how much garbage is floating around in my mind with all the noise in my head. Sometimes I do miniature meditations in which I just listen to my breath. Focus on it and letting the noise go and flow past the inside of my mind and consciousness. I think the noise of a mind can be akin to that of a large city.

A house was recently bought near me. I have no idea who is moving in. I’ve seen vague figures moving about usually at night. Tonight I saw they drove over fresh cement in the driveway. Unlike in the past, I would’ve got involved and told them about the fresh cement. But it’s not my business and I heard a quote on a TV program that was surprising to me because it made sense. “Be friendly to your neighbors, but don’t be friends“. It makes much sense to me because in the past, I have been very friendly to someone or some neighbors and then found they were assholes. Now I am cautious. I will smile wave but be very cautious with people feel them out before I share much conversation with them.

I saw Kamala Harris for a couple minutes on Saturday Night Live and she was amusing. I think she has a beautiful smile.