October 26 in Scott

I have been able to pull myself out of a funk today. I forced myself to do little things around the house that led to bigger things. I did a little research on Amazon and took a chance on purchasing drawer handles. I cleaned the birds, cage and trimmed some house. Plants gave some more soil and watered and fed them. I used my vacuum cleaners much. It felt good doing something anything to improve my home.

My oldest brother called to complain about our brother-in-law. At one point in the conversation, he descended into incoherence and I said OK let’s just pause this and then I told him what he was trying to say and what my answer was. He was dumbfounded because I was correct. I think, living alone can affect a person and their ability to communicate with other humans. I told my brother that his conflict with our brother-in-law is none of my damn business. I gave him a short lecture with some humor to it about how if you go into someone’s home never talk about or judge the home. It is their home, not yours. My brother likes to complain about how other people’s houses look. I told him he would love the mess I have, but it’s my mess a comfortable mess. He tried to get me speak ill of our brother-in-law, but I would not go there. It felt good.

Tonight I canceled my membership to classmates. A site where you put a profile up with people from your high school graduating class. You have to pay to message others. Close to 100 people looked at my profile, but nobody sent messages. We are all curious. Not me so much because I have a hard time remembering anyone from my high school class after 51 years.😁 this felt good because it’s part of my dealing with my past. A big exercise in that is to just let it go stop looking at it. Be in the moment and keep going.

It is amazing to me. How caring for house plants feels so good. It’s like connecting and feeling them for me. I find myself talking to them and apologizing for not giving them better care at times. Amusingly I give them voices to talk to me in my head.

I’ve noticed that every time I quit sugar of any kind such as my one big treat of ice cream, I feel so much better. My mind is more clear and I do not feel bloated. Junk sugar reminds me of how alcohol made me feel or what it did to me. Drink and feel shitty afterward eat junk sugar feel good then feel sluggish later.

It’s been several years since I quit drinking alcohol and using any kind of recreational drugs. It’s been easy to stay off it even though I still crave beer at times, especially when I see someone drinking in a television show or movie. I read much about the effects of alcohol and certain drugs on the human body and mind and it made it easier to continue not using. I understood why I was using alcohol and drugs and that helps. It helps to see why to understand it. Alcohol is a poison in the body. I used to feel so good getting drunk that I did not feel anything. Life is better now facing my emotions Without the helpers. I have become almost fanatic about anti-drinking because it does not make sense to me why people do it anymore. It helps to stay sober by looking at how much bad alcohol does to a person.

It’s a good feeling to make strides to convince myself to let go of the past.