Dear FIL, in Journal

It was not pleasant at all to see you at the barn today,
How is that aggression going for you?
I am a sucker for a good argument. Man alive do I just love a good argument. Exclusively those arguments as defined and expressed in The Art of the Argument, I might add. And today, FIL, you presented not only no good arguments, but no arguments at all. Your belligerence, buffoonery and aggressive puffing gave me no pause. It did, however, weary me to some extent and annoyed my children who did not appreciate waiting in the car.
Sometimes, although really not often, the lies people tell can be of interest to me. It simply is a window into the admittedly false thought process that might be going on in the liar’s mind. This was sadly no such occasion to offer any interest whatsoever. I might explain a bit, why.
Imagine, oh FIL of mine, that you are the parent of two wonderful youngsters, as I assume you must have had the experience of at some point. And, as a parent of these pristine souls in your care, you become aware of someone of mild concern in your social milieu. Now, you would not be one to brush off these concerns, but rather bring them directly out, since this person, shall we say, Uncle B, has a want from time-to-time to come into contact with your precious little ones whom you are in charge of protecting.
So, in the interest of keeping your children perfectly safe and doing your reasonable due diligence, you ask some questions of Uncle B. Your questions are, at the outset, unassuming and permeated with a willingness to be reassured. And yet, Uncle B does not have any assurance forthcoming. In fact, he is so full of justifications, historical rhetoric, and vanity that not even a single concern ever gets addressed. He never even acknowledges that you have any concerns at all.
Now, as time passes and you become more aware of Uncle B’s absence from any conversation with you as a parent, and concurrently you become more aware of his insistence to move directly into your children’s sphere. In other words, there is a clear pattern of avoiding answering your questions and concerns and of seeking direct interaction with your children.
At this point, there could be a hard decision. You have become aware of said behavior. Uncle B has made it poignantly clear that he is not interested in whatever you have to say, and he clearly also has zero intention of curbing his desire to have contact with your children. Is that okay with you? That is almost axiomatic, since asking the questions in the first place reveals that it does matter matter to you. Just how much does it matter? Are you going to “just wait and see”? Is it too much to disrupt your social circle and do things differently? Perhaps you will rearrange your schedule and dance around the man, instead of something else more obvious and permanent.
What is your children’s safety worth? What is your peace of mind worth?
Could you reasonably alienate and demonize any parent who chooses peace of mind and safety over some social norm?
Suppose Uncle B is unreasonably astonished and offended by the behavior of your parenting choice to simply avoid him. He is insistent that he has some entitlement- some right- to your children. You ask him again to address your concerns- perhaps not as gently as previously- but there is no gentleness necessary when a man is demanding time with your children and he has been avoidant in answering questions. Or worse. And at this point you are decidedly uninterested in protecting any social contact with the man or otherwise.
Now, Uncle B becomes aggressive. Occasionally you run into him and he has nothing much to say to you but loudly proclaims “I love you!” to your children. He sends gifts to them, even when politely asked not to. He shows up at your appointments and physically barres your exit by blocking the door (supposing he is about thrice your physical stature) speaking past you to your children as if you aren’t there in vehement protest and pretending to be just a harmless friendly old man, “Sorry about his, kids!” as he blocks the door to your exit and keeps you and your children trapped in the room inside. In defiance of YOUR clear requests that he step out from the door or back away.

Now, what would YOU think of such a one as Uncle B?

And, if you think there is NOT any trouble at all with Uncle B, then his behavior is purely subjectively off-putting to me. In that case, would Uncle B’s continued behavior in this pattern ever have any hope of a productive outcome? You know, if you thought that Uncle B has some real justifications and righteous reasons for behaving this way, then you must assume that any concerns of the parent is not just wrong, but also morally abhorrent! For how could anyone believe in and support the virtue and righteousness of Uncle B if he did not also condemn those that thwart the high moral aims of the same?
So the only way for Uncle B to receive what he wants as evidenced by his behavior- that is, the unhindered access to children despite the children’s parents wishes and duty- is to destroy or otherwise render totally inoperable the parental ability of protection.

And, FIL, you have done these things and more. You have attempted mightily to destroy my parental duty of protection. First, through marital sabotage. Then through sympathy and heinous social gossip. Finally, through brute force and violence.
But, in all, I have to thank you for being so honest. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. Thank you for being so clear. Thank you for being so deeply vain and belligerent that not even an ant on Mars could miss it! How serious you must be! How deeply and profoundly you believe in and live your drama. It’s like a hurricane and a Mach 5 jet. No one can possibly miss it.

You know because, I sometimes really do struggle with the really very intense but deceptive ones. It’s my own personal weakness, but I am working on it. Even just the other day, one of these threw me for a loop!
And it is so very interesting to me how prayers are answered. I have been so prone to reticence and derision of the WRONG people. I offered up my anger, my disapproval, my resentment- my wrongly directed Will as it were- to be taken up by the spiritual world and purified. And what happens but moments later that I get to direct it at the true and real source(contextually) of this? That fire BURNS and it is so good- so pure. Like a white light, it moves THROUGH me but does not leave residue. It really is just God’s righteousness, and not my own.