Whats this? in Short Thoughts

Sometimes it feels like I’m stuck in a monotonous hellscape. None of my choices seem to matter. Things seem to go badly no matter what I do so why do I keep trying? I’m alone and disconnected from everyone. People barely know I exist. I miss having friends. I miss thinking there was some grand destiny waiting for me. I feel old and ugly and tired. Like I’m all used up and ready to be discarded. So sad. I’m so sad. I just want to be held and lived for a while. I want to feel like I matter to someone.