to the tune of SUGAR MOUNTAIN in song parodies

oh to live on cougar mountain
leopard-print pants and over-tanned boobs
they like ‘em twenty on cougar mountain
I’m too old for them
but maybe not you but hey maybe not you

there’s a lady in the room
with a non-functional womb
she bought all the beers you’ve had
and she used to date your dad

oh to live on cougar mountain
leopard-print pants and over-tanned boobs
they like ‘em twenty on cougar mountain
I’m too old for them
but maybe not you but hey maybe not you

they all wear scarves to protect
the thin wrinkles on their necks
one writes that she’s disease-free
right upon her hotel key

oh to live on cougar mountain
leopard-print pants and over-tanned boobs
they like ‘em twenty on cougar mountain
I’m too old for them
but maybe not you but hey maybe not you

now you’re underneath the bars
and she gestures toward her car
she’s the fifth one that you met
and she reeks of cigarettes

oh to live on cougar mountain
leopard-print pants and over-tanned boobs
they like ‘em twenty on cougar mountain
I’m too old for them
but maybe not you but hey maybe not you

last call and the lights are up
you’re another rescue pup
she just wants to get a feel
but first she’ll buy you a meal

oh to live on cougar mountain
leopard-print pants and over-tanned boobs
they like ‘em twenty on cougar mountain
I’m too old for them
but maybe not you but hey maybe not you