frazzled in Second 1st

It’s been a week and today went a lot like the last entry. Jake’s mom had an appointment.... He has one tomorrow and I have one Friday so it’s going to be another week of struggling.

I am not sure how long I can go like this.

Jake’s nice fat check is being sent back to him so he can take it to another bank.... with another 10 day hold.... He had taken it to his mother’s bank.... didn’t work out so well..... it’s fine everything’s fine.

Everythings late.... I’m just trying to establish norms and I have no idea where to start. I don’t know what to make for dinner anymore.... there is a list of possibilities and Jake’s been great about helping but it’s like.... well like most men I’ve had experience with..... 1/2 done.... not done to standard.... or just not needed to be done RIGHT NOW.... which is a thing.... the more I say ” I need to…” the more he wants to “help” .... mostly it’s a good thing but it gets a little frustrating because I already have one child.... Jake literally asks “Can I do dishes?” … I may just be cranky.....

I haven’t had a period in 3 months so that might have something to do with getting agitated so easily. However, no one ever asked anyone to wash dishes at 4 am before work. I am just having a hard time at this moment.

All the things that were how we were going to be aren’t..... I just heavy sigh

WTF ever.... we went to establish care with a dr. and found my blood pressure was high..... and now I have to record it everyday.... BUT ya’ll.... blood pressure cuffs hurt.... they hurt me more than getting blood drawn.... I would rather be stabbed 20 times with a needle than to have my blood pressure taken. I’m all riled up today...... in this moment I’d like to kick someones ass.....

WTF am I thinking having 2 men? … That’s twice as many times I have to find something for someone cause they cant see it in the fridge/cupboard/closet/right in front of them..... It’s been a bit of a day and I really tried .... it’s okay.... I’m okay.... I just....

I think I’d like a day alone sometime soon..... routine has left me

I want to go to work and eat breakfast through the drive thru and not eat lunch till I’m done. I want to come straight home and let Nouget out and vegitate in my chair doing whatever my crafty heart desires. I DO NOT want to drive all over everywhere because we need this or that and we can’t live without the other thing for a few more days.... I’m frazzled....

Oh yeah.... DR refilled all the prescriptions I’m on and included a month of Birth control..... BUT I can’t pick any of it up because there was a typo at the insurance company..... my birthday is wrong and it’s making that impossible. I have to go by when I can (as early as I can) so Rocky can get onto whoever if it’s not fixed.