Traveling this rough road of life in Just in Case

Day to day life is ok. I get up at 4:20 to get to school, leave school around 5:00 pm do any shopping that needs to be done, then come home and do home things. I take care of anything Daddy needs, spend time with him, cook, do bills, etc. If I’m lucky, I head into my room around 8:30, do some school work, and try to be in bed by 10. Weekends are jam packed with chores for Daddy and school work.
He’s still struggling. He’s not driving, which is a relief. That means I have to do it all, though. Grief still sneaks up when I don’t suspect it. I work hard to keep it tamped down and hidden, so it doesn’t affect Daddy.
I’m tried. Physically and soul deep tired. I worry about Daddy constantly. He’s talked to me multiple times lately that if it weren’t for me, he’d be with Mama now. Not in an accusatory way, just matter of fact. I feel guilty and selfish.