Back from out in Scott

Finding myself extremely boring and feeling so much of what I write is just the same old shit I took a break and it felt good. But now it’s back to writing the same old boring shit.😄

Most people on this site write about their life. My life is much the same so I just write about what’s going on in my head most of the time.

After more than three years of being retired, it is still often confusing to me. I get uneasy about it just as I’m confused about being a “senior citizen“ one thing I never thought I’d be or live to be. I am accustomed to having a young mind and open mind I like to think. I refuse to become what so many of my parents generation became. I’m not going to yell at anybody to get off my lawn. It’s strange how you get up at 5 o’clock in the morning for 40 years and your body automatically does that when you don’t have to. I make a compromise and say OK we will get out of bed at seven and feel guilty for not being at work at seven. I like to let my bird sleep until the sun rises. I have found myself acting a little bit like my dad did. For example, I got an idea for a massive bird toy, a sort of artificial tree in the living room. In the past, I would rush into it to do it and finish it, but now a little at a time and I feel like some great artist doing it. Where I look at a plant that needs a larger pot and I will go OK I’ll think about that and hope the fucker don’t die before a transplant it. The only thing I’m in a hurry about is that run for the bathroom in the morning and getting the food I need.

I used to hear about how senior citizens felt. They were invisible to many people. I am understanding that feeling now. However, on the Internet if you announce that you are a boomer oh, do you get attention for the young folks! It’s a form of bigotry I’m not familiar with. I’m learning to laugh about it.

I recently got my oil changed because my car said you’re going to get fucked if you don’t. I went to a local oil change place and the card reader wasn’t working and some other things but thanks to the Prozac I take. I was able to sit there for an hour and 20 minutes and just watch the workers stand around talking and whatever else is going on eventually my oil being changed. I told myself this is a big adventure. You can write about it sometime. I observed one worker trying to act important but not doing a damn thing except talking. All of the workers were eating donuts, Mountain Dew, soda, and energy drinks for breakfast. I used to eat some junk food in the morning before work long ago, but then I learned that kicks your ass and leaves you flat. Eventually, the oil did get changed, and I nearly ran my car into the pit on the way out. I was pleased with how patient I’ve become.

My oldest brother has led a very sheltered life. 74 years old and lived in the same house since he was a baby. He’s doing OK for money. But life experience? No. He recently made a phone call to me that sounded urgent and I thought maybe he needed to go to the hospital like us old folks seem to often do. I tried to contact him leaving two voicemails, wondering if he was OK. Finally got around to calling me back and told me what the emergency was. The big thing. He started babbling about dicks in his TV. I couldn’t understand what he was talking about Dick’s in his TV. It turns out with his cable there is a channel that was not exactly PG and he saw some male organs. I laughed and told him just change the damn channel. Unless of course you like, looking at dicks. He started blustering about that that’s not his thing and I laughed. Bro, it’s not that big a thing. He is like a little brother to me.

Despite the 50 mg of prozac I am on each day. I’ve started feeling a sense of unease. OK kid time to play psychiatrist. It’s an old habit is what it is. I thought I’d broken it. Thinking too much and thinking too much in the wrong direction. I will get back to meditation.

In July, I had a tooth removed, leaving only six teeth in the bottom row. With 7 teeth, I was able to wear a bridge. Eat solid food wow. Like other people. This socket is not healing so good. Slower. Last week I saw a black spot where it is healing and I pulled it and started to bleed profusely because of blood thinners I take. Spitting and spitting blood. I called my dentist and she said keep your fingers out of your mouth. I felt like replying OK mom. I told her no more thumb sucking and never sneeze with your fingers in your mouth. I can only eat soft food now. I look at people that have most of their teeth if not all, and I feel envy. It’s a weird thing and being other people for having a full mouth of teeth. Long ago, I was sitting on my porch at an apartment I had and a legless man in a wheelchair stopped as he was passing by and said “I wish I had legs like you“. I thought it was pretty bizarre, but I get it now. It’s ridiculous that I end the other people for having a full mouth of teeth. Not to bitch about it. It’s been a blessing in disguise. Weight loss. I can eat mushy things like oatmeal and other things that I use a food processor on and smoothies I make with all kinds of fiberous nutritious stuff. I had thought eating that stuff every day would make me die of diarrhea, but my body has adapted and I do it with intermittent fasting and I feel great.

I try to learn not to be like others by seeing things in them. I don’t like and do not want to be like. For example, my oldest brother called me today and it was very important for me to know that my brother-in-law is lazy according to him because he does not clean garbage away from the drain in front of his house. I did something surprising to my brother. Several times he asked me if I was still here and I said yes, but I am listening for once.😄 I listened and I did not agree with him about our brother-in-law and what I did want to tell him, but I did not was that it’s none of his fucking business. It’s not my business. I’m curious about what happens with my neighbors, but their lives are not my business. The lives of celebrities can be entertaining with all their drama, but they are none of my damn business. I make politics my business because some of it scares the shit out of me such as the idea of Trump winning a presidency. But I found the life is so much easier when you realize so much is not your damn business. I guess my older brother needs a little drama in his life such as surprising visions of dicks on TV channels on cable and some deer shit in his yard and oh yeah that drain our brother-in-law did not clean. I would like to say who gives a fuck? But then I ramble on about my birds. The things we care about and find so important in life.

It’s been a while and that felt good.