Feeling Down and Fatigued in 2020s

I’ve been feeling a little down the last few days, but we think we know why. Yeah, I’m feeling kind of overwhelmed in general. There are a few reasons, and they’re kind of intertwined.

My glucose was 103 when I got up. Kathy says that’s good, but I thought that was pre-diabetic. Technically it is, but as Tom said, because I’m not 25, there’s no real need to worry about it. A doctor wouldn’t recommend medication in this case. I was still hoping that by now I would be at 95 or lower, and I still worry I’ll get pushed into diabetes in the end, no matter what I do.

Maybe I need to cut more carbs and have fruit that’s lower in natural sugars. I’ve been having a lot of grapes lately, and they’re high in sugar. I was surprised to learn that pears are also high in sugar, though I’m not big on pears. I was also surprised to learn that raspberries are low in sugar when I thought it was the other way around.

Anyway, it’s looking like cutting sugar hasn’t increased my energy, and once again, it’s mostly down to sleep apnea, chronic fatigue, or both. I think I’ve always had a tendency for sleep apnea, but the heavier I got, the more it affected me. It seems that once I got over 140 pounds, I started having more fatigue.

Tom thinks the Inspire device would’ve been a nightmare for me, and personally, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was. It sounds great in theory, but I’m hesitant to try something I can’t return if it doesn’t work out due to how sensitive I am in some ways. I guess I’ll never know for sure, or if the ENTs are doing me a favor by canceling my appointments, or preventing me from getting more energy.

I noticed my moods heading south a few days ago, and I started getting teary-eyed the last couple of nights, almost like I was back in perimenopause. I cried more in the last few nights than I probably have in the last year. I just don’t cry anymore, so that should tell you something. My worst fear was being sucked back down the rabbit hole for another 8 years, unable to do a damn thing about it. But the more I thought about it and the symptoms I’ve been having—except for feeling cold at times—I realized it might be the opposite: that I’m getting high in thyroid versus low. That’s what Tom thinks, too. These are the classic mindfuckers I experience when my TSH starts getting low, so I’m backing off the vitamin D for a bit and just going by how I feel.

I wanted to cry for no reason. Sure, I’ve got some stressful things going on, but not enough to draw tears. I’m stressed because the last few days I’ve had bad fatigue, and Tom thinks it’s because I take things to help me sleep too often, like Benadryl or melatonin. I don’t know what to think anymore, but I wouldn’t be surprised if most of the fatigue is from sleep apnea, especially since I haven’t been able to lose more than a few pounds. I’ll never be 150 again, let alone 140.

Tomorrow’s my last chance to wake up refreshed before I’m exhausted for days, as we’re expected to get hit with storms, most of which could be from Hurricane Helene. The spaghetti models have the outer left side of it aimed at us.

We set up an account for me on our smart scale to evaluate more than just my weight, and if it’s correct, then the few pounds I lost aren’t due to bone or muscle loss. Besides, you can see all the muscle even through my fat, particularly in my upper arms, shoulders, and upper abs. You can see a little in my calves and outer thighs as well, just not as much as before, because when you have fatigue for 10 to 15 days a month, it really holds back your ability to be as active and productive as you’d like.

I looked at the calendar on the app for the last 6 months where I mark my energy levels (not counting when storms or nightmares would wake me up), and there was a month before I cut sugar where I actually had the least amount of fatigue. It was disappointing to look back and see, but the pattern clearly shows that cutting sugar hasn’t affected my energy levels. Tom thinks it just hasn’t been long enough, but I disagree. Maybe once we’re out of storm season, we’ll find out.

Anyway, I have good bone density, and my bones weigh 5 pounds while his weigh 8 pounds. I do have a high amount of fat, but I’ve got a lot of muscle too, about 85 pounds worth. I’m a little low on protein and water, though. His visceral fat is high but mine is surprisingly good. I’m surprised because I have a prominent menopause belly.

If I can get my TSH under 10 when I go to the lab, it will be the first time I’ve ever altered fate in a sense. One of the things I’ve always hated about being the kind of psychic that I am is that whenever I get a vibe or have a dream about something I feel is about to happen that does happen, there’s never anything I can do to stop or change it in any way. However, I’m going to do all I can to stop that dream from becoming a premonition where Rhonda and I were discussing having to increase my thyroid dose!

Tom replanted the lemon tree in the large planter and it looks great.