Tossing And Tortured 'Till Dawn in Current Events

Tomorrow is the big day. I start my new job. Last night I dreamt about it. I did not sleep well. I have not been sleeping well. I’m not entertaining any negative thoughts. I am in my Pisces era, I suppose. I’m just gaslighting myself into toxic positivity. In the dream, I got to experience all of the negative thoughts I had been suppressing. My first day went horribly, in my dream. I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to put that out into the aether. It is not going to be like that at all IRL so help me, goddess.

They’re paying me $1 less than I asked for. Oh, I will live. There is room for advancement. I know that I am going to be good at this. They will throw $50 at me every month toward my phone. I get a 2-week paid holiday over Christmas. I will be on probation so I will have to work two of those days. I will just be making hampers and handing them out to families. The $1000 Christmas bonus will soften the blow. I intend to fly out and visit my brother or fly him in to visit us. They have great benefits. I will know what those are exactly soon enough. They pay for my mileage. I just have to track my mileage and they will cover the gas at the end of the month. I suspect that I will have to use my credit card for them, and they will reimburse that as well. We will see. I like the idea of that because then I will use my Amazon card and rack up points that will turn into free gift cards. Muahaha.

The job itself will be the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. Mentoring youth 12 and under. I will be working with their case workers. Teachers and guardians. The job will be pretty chill. Just hanging out with the kids. I know they will open up to me and that I will have an easier time getting through to them. I am hoping to see them in 10 years winning at life. I keep thinking about all the fun activities that I can do with them. I intend to keep them active. I’m going to talk to my roommate and see if she can get a class at her boxing gym for them. Their gym would totally be down for that. I want to find a kickboxing gym for myself. I saw Phillip last week at the grocery store. I didn’t recognize him, he looked so fit. He does kickboxing. I didn’t say hi because he didn’t recognize me either. I had a glow-up. Maybe I can find a kickboxing gym for the kids and hit two birds with one stone.

Friday was my last day at my other job. It was bittersweet. I really did like my team. It was weird to walk out of there and not have to care anymore though. Not my circus, not my monkeys.

They’re just thoughts. They’re just thoughts. They’re just thoughts. I had to keep reminding myself yesterday. It is the first weekend since my roommate came back from BC. She is a useless cow, we know that. She bought a bike the day she came back from BC. It is all she talks about. It was cute at first but it is not cute anymore. All of her free time is still dedicated to that bike. From morning until night, she is on the balcony cleaning it taking it apart piece by piece and putting it back together. She is flipping the bike, she wants to do it as a hobby. It’s nice to see her passionate about something. It’s hard to witness because this is obsessive. I told Lenstar about it. I took a picture of my roommate sitting on the couch staring out on the balcony at it. She had her phone out and she was looking at pictures of it. She isn’t even going to her boxing gym. This is just evidence that boxing was just a fixation. She was there seven days a week.

I haven’t been fixated on anything in a long ass time. I haven’t been able to connect to anything I am passionate about. I am giving myself some grace because I’m in the middle of some pretty big changes. Positive changes. My mind does not like change. My ADHD has been in control. I need to dial that in some more.

Anyway, time to hit the gym. I take my grandmother shopping right after that. Well, after my grocery delivery gets here.