Stress Test in Current Events

My anxiety wants fuel.

This week will be a stress test. I can tell. Though I can remind myself that they’re just thoughts, the situations are still real. I’m not gaslighting myself with toxic positivity. No mam. Life is still happening. Birds don’t put their trust in the branches, they put it in their wings. I can trust myself to land on my feet.

This is the week I should hear back from that non-profit. I have a backup plan should that fall through. I have money to get me through for a few months but I won’t let it come to that. My energy and focus are on one thing at a time.

Our hours are being cut at my work. I saw it coming a mile away and was prepared. The other part-timers, not so much. When the non-profit asked me when I could start, I stated that I would like to work out a week’s notice at my current place of employment. I changed my mind. I’ll start at the drop of a hat. The next step, however, is to pass a criminal background check, a sex offender registry check, and an abstract license. The latter is the only area of concern. I’ve had a license for over 20 years, my track record is still better than most but it isn’t perfect. I rear-ended somebody a few years ago but I’m sure they are looking for DUI’s. I’m squeaky clean.

The dealership gave me my deposit back. That is good and all but I am struggling to stay frugal. My money is going into things that I need, so to speak. I could do better. I can see my ADHD behavior so much more clearly without the comorbidities. I know what’s what now.

*It is no longer a habit or a tendency if you are aware of it. After that, it is a choice. l heard that line in a TikTok and they is preaching to the choir. I’m not the only one who thinks this honestly. The truth is not bitter, it is unsweetened.

Spoiler Alert
Interview With A Vampire
I went to Bev’s yesterday evening to watch 2 more Interview With A Vampire episodes. It’s not good but I’m hooked. I was disturbed by a scene last night. I couldn’t sleep. Claudia, the 14-year-old vampire, was groomed and she fell in love with her groomer whom she accidentally killed while… being intimate. Everybody, even the audience, overlooked it. Like, why is Vampire content like this? In Twilight, Edward is a 100-year-old groomer. Claudia was a lot older than her body but the guy who groomed her did not know that. Anyway, I’m starting True Blood next month. My autumn lineup is ready to go.

I’m trying to distract myself from my thoughts going to things out of my control. I don’t need anxiety. I’ll probably just head to the gym… again. Ugh. I do need to finish my meal prepping. All I did was get it started yesterday. No actual meals put together. I’m going even bigger this time so that I can freeze a lot of it. My eating habits fall apart when I don’t work. I need to have food ready. It is way too expensive to keep buying what I am buying. Canned soup, etc. Things like that. Things I can just make myself. I’ll make a big batch of curries today or tomorrow so that I can freeze them. The fat bombs I made were super delicious. I needed them calorie-dense and protein-dense. I made them out of pumpkin puree, coconut oil, almond butter, hemp powder, protein powder, maple syrup, and pumpkin spice. Turned out great. I’ll make a bigger batch. I’ll portion them smaller though for my roommate. She’s barely five feet tall. She eats tiny portions.