Back To Reality in Current Events

My reality check bounced. I say that in jest. I am tuning back into my fragile little world though. I’m feeling stressed about that job interview I had yesterday. It’s out of my hands now. I have to wait and see. My mind goes to me imagining myself in that new role and then to me having to scramble and figure things out if I don’t get it. I have some funds to tie me over for a while but I would rather leave that alone. My hours were cut which was to be expected.

I have been trying to get full-time at the store I am working at for three years now. I can’t wait to just put in my notice. They will all feel the sting. I am also fed up with a lot over there so I am ruffling some feathers. Fuck it.

My car was a big purchase. The first payment comes out this weekend. I have so much anxiety about it. Around my budget, I should say. The dealership did not return the $500 I gave them to secure the vehicle. I get to fight with them over that. They are supposed to return it. This is not a fight I want to have right now. I will call the Financial Advisor that Susanna recommended to me, eventually. Tomorrow, I am hoping. I am pacing myself here. Slowly working on my crisis list. Wish I could activate the ADHD hyperfocus at will but…

I see my therapist tomorrow. It’s been a minute. I still haven’t had any episodes with my mood disorders but I’m not fixed yet, per se. I feel like I am in a vulnerable state of mind. I’m in a vulnerable position so that adds up. I am trying to manifest a call on Monday in regards to that position I interviewed for, to start the next step. Criminal check, abstract drivers license check, etc. Those are all crystal clear.

I haven’t said a word to my roommate since I came back from my trip. She’s tried, I just give her the cold shoulder. It’s passive-aggressive because the other option is aggressive. I’ve had that talk with her three times now. She is never going to grow up. I know she knows the score. She is currently being a good little girl and is cleaning up after herself. This won’t last. I looked up her new bike and it is $1400. I think she bought it brand new. If not, then she spent $900 on it. Good for her, I guess. I just want to get hired at that new gig so that I can kick her out. I won’t kick her out but I can kick her out.

Anyway, on with my day. My nerves are being worked so I will take it out at the gym.