V for Values in Current Events

I went 38 years without knowing that I had ADHD. I’m very high-functioning. I never gave it any thought until I experienced the ADHD paralysis this year. It brought me back to how I was in high school the first time. Society gives us the script that we are supposed to give everyone who sucks at life and health compassion. They are doing their best. We know where I stand with that. MAKE BETTER CHOICES!

I have a strong value system. I value the clean house and the clean space. I value being punctual and respecting others’ time. I actually value the people in my life, they don’t just disappear when I don’t see them, etc. It’s always a work-in-progress, this value system. This is why I find other people with ADHD so menacing. They don’t have strong values. I’m talking about the adults, the grown folk. They obviously value their time over others. They value being lazy over progress, etc. I make it sound simple, I know that it is not easy. I didn’t surrender to the diagnosis. I sought help immediately.

I suppose I am evaluating this because I am seeing my therapist today. He gave the missing puzzle piece, they’re just thoughts. That became my mantra. I must be careful not to lobotomize myself with positive thinking here. The problems are still real. Toxic positivity is a form of gaslighting. These people need to be throat-punched. Hippies are mean people cosplaying as nice people. I get a sick pleasure watching them fall apart when life gets too real for them. Suppressing emotions is not regulating them, hoe.

I haven’t gotten into the swing of things since my trip. I’m letting myself ignore the small stuff while I focus on the big stuff. Actually, I’m also just enjoying the mental break and letting myself get lost in my gaming. In my audiobooks. I do feel anxious when I try to connect to the things that I want to be connecting to but… I have to prioritize. I don’t need to be feeling the pressure. I’m in a vulnerable place right now.