Think love think drugs and they're the same things in A new beginnging.

we struggle or get enough

I wanted to title this entry “inner circle”. But that lyric won’t stop bouncing around in my head.

I am sure everyone’s work place is like this but holy hell. Sometimes being at work feels just like being back in school. Things have been hectic. With all the switching around and training and wedding season..hectic is a gentle way to put it. But still even with everything Leah and Dara just sit there and talk so much shit about everyone. They offer to help, and do help me a lot but I cringe at what might be said about me when I leave the room. “You can’t let that stuff get to you!”

NO SHIT?!

Thanks for that great advice. Pretty sure I have dealt with this for-freaking-ever and I seriously have no idea how to let it roll off my back. I over analyze and over think and over wonder.

That is me.

But like today it was Chef’s birthday and he walked into the front room where the “inner circle” was and they all took a shot to celebrate. Um, hello?

There was always those kids. those ones who were ‘buds’ with the teachers and those who when they walked up to a group of friends, got the attention of everyone.

I was the one who had their story interrupted when that said person walked up, leading me to laugh awkwardly and then walk away.

Confidence, Cohen.

This is why dating is also intimidating. Imagine going to and talking to a guy and then just waiting for someone “better” to walk up.

Ok, I am done with that now.

I want to state that this past weekend was freaking awesome.

First, there was the POS ‘The Fucking Best Show Ever’ on Saturday. I went with Mark and Ady, which was a bit random but still fun. I made it a goal to “look around” as my therapist suggested. So instead of having the “don’t try and talk to me” look on my face, I tried my hardest to look/act approachable. We ended up standing by this group of people. They were funny. Long story short, I ended up “dancing” and hanging around this Kyle kid. He protected me when people were moshing by me and when I almost fell. It was cool. That was that. We exchanged numbers and I know that I will probably never talk to him again, but hey, at least it was something! I figured dancing with random 24 yr at rap show buys me some more time. :) We went to the bar and then headed to first ave, which actually was kind of a bust. I was just exhausted and Ady was whining because she wore heels (?!) and I had to be up at 6:30 to get ready for the game the next day.

That leads us to Sunday. The Patriots/Vikings game. We got to our tailgate spot at like 8 AM and immediately started drinking. Let me state for the record that I like hardly ever drink anymore, I am a 2 beer drunk. So we started off with Baileys hot chocolate, went on to mamosas, then switched to beer. I had never been to a professional football game or TCF stadium, but it was a blast. My brother and I smoked, and the game itself was really fun too. PRETTY sure that the guys tailgating next to us, one of them had messaged me on OKC before. It was funny.
So yeah we went back after the game and kept drinking. It was after another hotdog and some weird mixed drink later and I felt it. I knew I was done. I stared at this rock on the ground trying to keep my shit together. I stumbled to the bathroom and just sat there and thought it had passed. When I got back to the car, thankfully everything was packed up. You can do this, you can make it home. So after a few minutes in the car I stated outloud that “I think I might throw up soon” and as soon as I did, I opened the door and it just sorta fell out of my mouth. Thank the lord for red lights. Then I thought I was going to be ok. That car ride felt like hours. Then I felt it again. I kid you not, I threw up in my mouth and then swallowed it. I know, disgusting, right? Then I asked Kathy if she had a bag. She didn’t even hesitate or ask, she game me a Target bag and then I puked in it. Yuup.

Oh to feel young again :)

But it was a great weekend, I felt like a normal 28 yr.

Today at work someone shouted, “What’s the date today?” “It’s the 19th!”

Boom.

Hey guess what? Today would have been Josh and mine 5 year anniversary. I know, disgusting, right? :)

apparently he was also at the game on Sunday. This is when I learned that I think luck is on my side with that situation.

What else is going on…
OH. I joined the Y. I have been feeling so freaking fat and disgusting lately that I finally got fed up (ha) and joined. it is right by my work so there will be no time to go home and talk myself out of going. My brother gives it 3 weeks.

I think that is about it.

Going to these Doomtree shows is getting more awesome. Besides it being a cool place to bump into my cool friends like Ryan, I just feel a lot more comfortable now.
Except for moshing. I don’t get moshing.