Silmangiyeyo in Book One: The Not So Daily Briefs 2014

​I have come to the numbing conclusion that my days are pointless, valueless, and somewhat meaningless. Allow me to take you through my typical day....

Awake around 6:30 am; 5 hours before my wife’s alarm is set to go off.
Shuffle to the bathroom to brush my teeth and toss my pills down.
Put on a suit and tie.
Drive to work in anywhere from 20 minutes to 50 minutes depending on traffic, accidents, and construction.
Park in the secured employee lot at work.
Show my badge to the desk attendant, sign in, metal detector sweep, elevator, office… grab paperwork to turn around and immediately leave again by showing my badge to the desk attendant and signing out.
Go to the jail.
Show my badge to three separate door guards.
Stand in front of the judge as little more than decoration for an hour.
Leave court by showing my badge to three separate door guards.
Go back to the office by showing my badge to the desk attendant, signing in, metal detector sweep, elevator, office.
Place the paperwork in a file folder next to a computer.
Turn around and immediately leave again by showing my badge to the desk attendant and signing out.
Drive back to the apartment.
Park the car, go inside to grab a banana and a drink of juice.
Stare at a Bar Exam prep book that makes me want to shoot myself.
Give up on that and cruise Facebook, Cracked, Prosebox, and BBC World News.
Hear my wife’s alarm clock go off… for twenty minutes.
Get sick of the noise, so I turn it off and wake her up myself.
Wait until she has actually left the bed and taken her pills.
Leave to go back to work.
Park in the secured employee lot at work.
Show my badge to the desk attendant, sign in, metal detector sweep, elevator, office… grab paperwork to turn around and immediately leave again by showing my badge to the desk attendant and signing out.
Go to the jail.
Show my badge to three separate door guards.
Sit in my little room where I can’t see anything but I can hear court, all while taking notes on sentencing and bond amounts.
Leave court by showing my badge to three separate door guards.
Go back to the office by showing my badge to the desk attendant, signing in, metal detector sweep, elevator, office.
Place the paperwork in a file folder next to a computer.
Check my inbox for Interview assignments.
Take bitter note that all assignments have already been approved for programs thus nullifying my interviews and making the process redundant and pointless.
Leave the office by showing my badge to the desk attendant and signing out.
Go to the jail.
Show my badge to three separate door guards.
Ask each interview “Have you previously been arrested, do you have friends that have been arrested, do you have a job, do you have contact with your parents.”
Write down the answers on my assessment chart.
Leave by showing my badge to three separate door guards.
Go back to the office by showing my badge to the desk attendant, signing in, metal detector sweep, elevator, office.
Input answers to three questions into the computer and shred all paperwork related to the interviews.
Leave the office by showing my badge to the desk attendant and signing out.
Drive back home, park the car, enter apartment, and change into workout clothes.
Leave apartment and run for thirty minutes.
Come home, drink water, read Prosebox, masturbate, and shower.
Eat a small piece of fish and pour a gigantic alcoholic beverage for myself.
Play Destiny on the PS4 and drink until 10:45pm.
Welcome wife home from work by trying to hug her and asking how her day was.
Get no response.
Try to stay awake until past midnight to spend a little time with my wife.
Go to bed.

That is my everyday… pretty much without fail. And it isn’t so much that “I’m in a rut” even if I am. It isn’t so much that “I hate my job” and I do. It is more… I graduated from law school and got a litigation certificate. I’m a thoughtful person that needs and wants to have an impact on the world around him. And nothing in my job matters (as the judges don’t care, my paperwork goes towards in-house statistical research and the interviews are a bullshit way to squeeze more grant money out of the programming budget.) So… I just feel like… between my work and my relationship issues… my world is full of “doing things that don’t matter” while simultaneously “doing things that I have to do to get by.”