2022- the year that my whole life changed. in .:2024:. Almost the end

My dad passed away- Feb. 2022

Then I had a stroke at 39. -March 28, 2022

Then we got evicted out of a house we had been living in for almost 15+ years. -October 2022

And then, we moved into the house we have now, which is bad. When we moved here there were ROACHES. I’ve never lived in a place with roaches. I’d be watching TV and then a roach crawls across the screen. These roaches are bold af. hahaha

Sometimes, if you don’t laugh at this shit, you’ll cry because it’s a terrible situation

The sewer got backed up like a week after we moved here TWICE. The first time was so nasty. All the sewage came up through our shower. The entire shower was flooded with SHIT. The second time, the water kept pouring out.

The landlord I have now, he is the meaning of slumlord. Our mailbox doesn’t lock and is on the main road. Where there’s meth-head and crack-heads wandering around. When I said something about that he’s like “Just get a PO box”. What???? I have to PAY for a p.o. box instead you putting a lock on it??? I’m fucking over it.

Everything in this house was on clearance. Nothing matches, and whatever it is, it breaks very easily.

He takes advantage of the poor and down-and-out because he knows that we don’t have any money to get a lawyer and blah blah blah.

We were paying a lot to live here but our rent just went up $180. And this motherfucker had the nerve to raise our rent and the mailbox doesn’t even lock. No.

I told my brother that I don’t want to pay even 1 cent more to this slumlord. So, I’m moving in September. This is the end of an era. A miserable fucking era.

I’ve been under so much stress with my mom going back and forth to the hospital, my brother being the most selfish asshole I’ve ever known.

My dad always made me feel like I was the most important thing in his life, now, I do not have that. And I can’t explain how unimportant I feel now. How lost I am now. He was literally the ONLY man I needed unconditional love from and he gave me that. I regret every second I ever spent mad at him. Especially over the little stupid shit that doesn’t make sense to a teenager.

I just adore him and miss him SO MUCH.

I feel very sad for people who grew up with a strained relationship with a parent. I’m cool with both my parents but there’s nothing like being HIS little girl. He’s your protector, he’s your hero. At least I used to think he was invincible.

The last time I saw him, I took my ex over there to meet him around Christmas 2021. And my ex said when he came to the door to open it, my face lit up.

Anyways,

After a long talk with God and my dad, I decided to get rid of all of my stuff and move into my car.

I donated 85% of my wardrobe to a homeless shelter. I donated a bunch of miscellaneous stuff to a thrift shop. I am still decluttering. I want a fresh start, and I cannot have it with all this stuff dragging me down.

I’ve lived in my car before, I’ve been homeless. But this is by choice… or lack thereof.

I’m on a fixed income because of the stroke. However, I used to get paid for taking care of my mom. Now that she’s in a nursing home, I don’t get those checks anymore. When I did, I was taking care of all of my mom’s bills, all she needed to do was pay rent and I worried about the rest. I know she’s being taken care of because I visit very often.

But now, it’s time for me to get some freedom. I need to take advantage of not having kids. I haven’t been free since I tried to unlive myself in 2015. After the mental hospital, I was advised to “Move in with my support system”… That was NOT a good idea. And I’ve been stuck ever since.

I need to break away from my brother....bottom line.

I want to make my dreams come true and travel. My above experience has been humbling. I don’t want set roots down. I’m unattached. I had to make a sacrifice. And if I want to make my dreams come true by living in my car for a while, so be it.

I didn’t know what to pray for so I just asked God for “Help”. I was crying every day, I couldn’t sleep, and my appetite was weak. But when I finished that conversation, something about #vanlife came to me. (YES, I think in hashtags sometimes. lol) and there was my answer. Also, a lady on YouTube was talking about this in one of her vision board videos.

That’s it for now!
Minx