Chill Pill in Current Events

Right after I wrote my entry yesterday I took a dip in the pool to cool off. My anger issues have been under control since I started going to bed at 8 PM. Though, it hasn’t been perfect. While I was sitting by the pool I started to feel sad. I don’t think it was my depression. I really do have things to be sad about. In that moment I started to feel lonely. It would have been nice to have someone’s shoulder to lean on.

I’ve been hot and bothered by the weather like I wanted. We still haven’t caved and turned on the AC. I’ve had headaches from work, they are dusting. The floors aren’t sealed so the place is insanely dusty. They’re preparing for inventory so they’re cleaning. It’s like a fog down the aisles.

We started a big project yesterday and received zero support from the store. We are only allocated so many hours and 5 hours in, we finally got to start. We had to do everything the store was supposed to do. Oh we were livid all day.

My usual triggers with my roommate is what actually set me off yesterday. I hate feeling like I live with a child. There is nothing new to say. She still lives in a way that is very “leave it for mommy.” I currently have a mess in the kitchen to clean. She actually cooked, she hadn’t done much of that for herself lately. I’ve been going to bed before she gets home so she just orders in. I made 15 protein bars, she packs half for her lunch. That sort of thing sets me off. I forgot to buy juice and so she drank all the nut milk. She is one of those vile little creatures, one of those women who drinks anything but water. Anyway!

I checked the status of my tax return because I have been getting impatient. I was blown away by how much I am getting back. It’s 3x the amount my software calculated. It will deposit next week. I want to splurge but I will be smart with it instead.

Yesterday was my day off from car hunting. Today I have an appointment with my bank about their financing options. I will know what my next step is after that. I know which vehicle I am getting. The pre-owned 2021 Dodge Charger. I am hoping to start that process today. I have my life on hold and I just want to move forward already.

The monkey brain, some people call it. I feel like I could burn a hole through my skull my mind is racing so hard. I just want to be the one in control here. Grinding my teeth is my stims, I went years without that happening and it’s really hard to dial that in again. It all starts when I go on social media. That is my downfall.

My legs have been oh so sore. They’re tired of the walking. I’m on my feet 40hrs a week at work. Then I walk everywhere. It’s going to be so nice to drive again. The closer I feel to driving it the more stuck I feel. It’s not like I’m going to be coming home this evening with it. They probably still have to get it safetied. My negotiation attempt failed with this one. It is what it is. It’s still just a little more than the 2017 model that I have been negotiating with.

The Patriot I took for a test drive, that salesman has been an absolute menace. First of all, I feel bad because he is a little minger (offensive to all senses). He sold the Patriot and is still blowing up my phone. I’m going to tell me him off today. Enough is enough.

Blah. New car = new job = kick out roommate (maybe not but I can afford to). On with my day then. I’m hoping I will have a better day if I air out my mood before my shift.