About a sister in A New Chapter

While I have spoken in recent memory about the disastrous, dare I say catastrophic, event that was my sister’s wedding, I also have another sister. One who I actually like and one who I lost contact with for many years.

Lets take it back to the mid 80s. My dad dated a German woman, how they met, for how long they dated, etc. I have no idea. I just know it happened. At some point, he discovered she was cheating with multiple men so he cut her off. Months went by and he met mom. Close to 2 years later, my dad’s family is having a get together so most family members can meet my mom.

Out of no where, German lady pulls up. She has a baby. Tells my dad that the baby is his. Uncle gasps and says something among the lines of “bro, you’re fucked lol.” Lady is asked to leave. DNA testing wasn’t really a thing back then so things never went through. Life moved on.

Traveling forward to around 2009, my dad is contacted by German lady again. My sister, Carol, is now a grown woman. She has had a bit of a crisis because she does not know who her biological dad is. Arrangements are made and they meet in person. Little by little, my dad worked his way into her life. He started to pay for her masters degree and things among those lines.

We started speaking on Skype and getting to know each other. We shared fun stories about our lives growing up and what it was like. This one in particular cracked me up:

“When I was growing up, my mom always said I could date anyone except guys with Italian heritage. I asked why but my mom never answered. Turns out she was afraid I was going to end up shagging my own brother.”

There were some things that were a bit odd. Her family had converted to Judaism, the orthodox type. I’m not a Jewish faith expert but I did grow up around many Jewish people. I was always told that becoming Jewish wasn’t really something you could do, at least not as easily as with Christianity or Islam, etc. It is something you’re kind of born with.

During one of the trips I took with my dad, we saw her. It went well and we had a good time. We were going to hang out a few days later but she had to pray. Eventually, we started having disagreements. I don’t even remember about what but I can recall some bits and pieces. At one time I told her that I didn’t know if my world view was the correct one, but it was just my view. She said she thought hers, as a Jewish practitioner, was the right way. It didn’t go over well with me at the philosophical level.

She started having them with my dad too. I think my dad was going through a mixed bag of emotions at the time.

He was trying to get her to learn about his side of the family, my grandparents, etc. When my aunts visited from Italy once, they met and talked, etc. Carol was now in her 30s, never having really dated a guy or anything. She was just always home, praying or helping out her family with just about everything. We lost contact then.

Funnily enough, I caught her looking at my LinkedIn page over the years.

A few years later, my dad called me one day. He told me Carol was visiting with her husband. He asked if we wanted to have lunch together. I had been thinking about her and regretting how our communication had gone. We had a great time when we met and it all felt very natural. At the time, she was expecting a child after many years of trying.

Today we speak and we get along quite well. Its ironic that I get along better with a sister that I never really grew up with, than with my own siblings. There is just a humility to Carol that I connect with. She is a “normal” person and her husband is a pretty nice guy too.

My full brother and sister, while we’re years apart, I think those years made a difference in our upbringing. I don’t think they remember at all..our first home, our grandparents, etc. They just remember the success.

Random notes:

-My mom always knew that girl was my dads. She had mentioned it over the years. I suspected one day I was going to meet her.

-My grandma also knew the same. She stalked her a few times over the years. She told my dad she saw Carol at the farmers market. “Of course she is your daughter, she grabbed tomatoes and smashed them on the ground. A little shit just like you!”

Music: DJ Dopamine Mix

See You Later Space Cowboy.