Search Continues in Current Events

The 2014 Jeep Patriot I took for today’s test drive wasn’t too bad. The drive itself, at least. There were chips in the windshield and when I pointed them out the salesman tried to convince me that they were dead mosquitos. That was cute. The first red flag was the leak under the vehicle before we drove off. It was probably just the AC, he said as much after I left. I see some signs of rust but it is a 10-year-old vehicle. My mother is blown away at the cost of 10-year-old vehicles right now. I found a 2016 Kia Sorento with more features for roughly the same price. It doesn’t have a remote start like the Patriot. That is the only con, which could be worse. I reached out to that dealership. I will go check it out this weekend. If I can get more features for the same price, that is a no-brainer. Leanne wants me to get a Wrangler. Those will be hard on my wallet, gas-wise. I might end up with the Patriot in the end which won’t be too egregious.

I’m still grieving the Charger dream. RIP. It is the car I want but not the car I need. The guys at work are bummed out too.

My caretaker came late to paint a patch on our ceiling. He did something that caused it to leak. He made a mess on my desk. He used spray paint. My fan was on so it is now white on the inside. He was supposed to come at 11 while we were gone. That annoyed me.

I’ve seen two dead birds today. The number 2 I see repeating as well. It feels like a sign. An omen. This would be about balance. I presume. Transformation as well. That is my current trajectory. New car > new job. That’s my story and I am sticking to it.

The plan is to go to bed early tonight. Get the correct amount of sleep. I’m tired of feeling angry. Lack of sleep isn’t the cause of it but it doesn’t help. When I subtract anxiety and depression from my inner equilibrium, I am left with anger, apparently. The original emotion I was taught to suppress. The one I learned was not safe. So now I have 30 years of pent-up anger to purge.

There is another shift in my inner equilibrium. My libido is more intense. It could be anything but I have been working on that zinc deficiency. My NP doctor doesn’t know that I diagnosed myself with that deficiency. It connects to everything and I mean everything wrong with me. I’ll get around to talking to him about it. One crisis at a time. Also, I have now concluded that chia seeds and I are not amigos. They make me bloat.

Speaking of bloating, instead of sunbathing at the park on Sunday I went for a dip in our pool. My building complex has a little outdoor pool. Nobody was there except the caretaker and some lady. I seized the opportunity. It didn’t last long before people showed up and let their kids ruin it. Apparently, when you lose 10 lbs of inflammation and go swimming after a coffee enema, you’re not very buoyant. I struggled to float, like a lot. It was like I was in a new body. Speaking of which, something changed and I can see that I am finally gaining mass. Muscle mass at least. I think the zinc is working. I’m keeping an eye on my physical symptoms. The bald patches on my legs, the hair thinning on my head, the concaved nails, the dimples in my skin along my torso, etc. This affects collagen production and protein synthesis. Exacerbates ADHD, anxiety, and depression (the latter has been MIA for weeks). Reduces testosterone among other things. If my ADHD symptoms go away, that would be great. I am going to try playing brown noise when I try to read next. I hear that helps in some way. I can’t even imagine a neurotypical brain at this point. You can just… do things.

Anyway, I should go cook something.