The Doctor, Teddy Bear, and the FBI in 2020-2024

The ophthalmologist I started seeing has popped into my mind every single day for the last three or four days, and I had no idea why. He never made any kind of impression on me. He was a little slow, but just there. Not the least bit attractive, not funny looking, and nothing about his personality stood out. So why did he keep popping into my mind, I wondered and asked myself over and over. Then it hit me—thought transference. He’s likely thinking of me for some reason, and I’m picking up on those vibes. It makes no sense, though. As a fat, older, and now average-looking person, I can’t imagine why that would be the case, but that’s the only explanation I can come up with.

Back when I was falling for “Teddy Bear,” or at least thought I was, I remember writing that it was fun falling in love all over again. While we may have hit it off while I knew her, I realize I never truly loved her because I didn’t know her. I’ve loved many people in different ways throughout my life: my friends and those family members that I at least tried to love. But the only person I’ve ever really, truly loved is Tom. With or without him, I couldn’t imagine starting over again with anyone these days, no matter what I looked like and no matter what they looked like, female or male. To have to get to know someone all over again so well that I understand them even when they’re not communicating, and for them to get to know me well enough too (whether or not they’re capable of being smart enough to get me as Tom does) would be more of a pain than fun.

I read an article about how to tell if the FBI is surveilling you. One of the things it mentioned was any kind of static or popping sounds you may hear on your phone, and my mind immediately went back to Jesse’s trailer. However, most of this was in 2010 and earlier and probably started before I found and contacted a certain sicko, not that the FBI would be involved in that in the first place. Even though I know it was the horrid service we dealt with while we were there, I couldn’t help but remember all that static and how only I could hear it. I was talking to my parents one time and apologized for all the static and said it made it hard to hear them at times, and they said they didn’t hear it at all.