No title. Thank you (take two) in meh...

Seems as if I’ve had my first glitch issue from my phone. Was trying not to use my system from work, but the phones aren’t ringing, not text messages are coming through, Facebook is annoying me and I get ignored on Twitter. Sounds like a perfect time to lament in neutral space where no one knows me.

I’ve been longing to get into a spot, real or virtual, with an ear to take me in, really take me in. I’m not really looking for understanding. Pardon my style. I’ve been watching the latest season of Downton Abbey (I have people-well a person) and I think somehow I’m channelling the Dowager, Lady Violet Grantham. I’m sure that’s not how she would be introduced, but I haven’t the time for all that nonsense.

I tire of things these days. I have little patience, and I have lots of opinions that are rather unpopular these days so I spend most of the time biting my tongue to avoid arguments that usually end up with me having to concede my point and me always being wrong. I am one of those people who hold it inside until I crack and then I unleash a volcano of feelings.

I don’t like my job anymore. I’ve become stagnant, non-progressing, regressing for about 5.5 years. I don’t have any marketable skills to look for another job. My supervisor, started out as my friend/coworker, transitioned to supervisor, and then today the dust up that was coming. I snapped. The volcano exploded and I said something that I’d been holding on to. At work, I hold things because again, I will be forced to concede and back down. So I just say “okay” and nothing more. But this time I didn’t. And I said it out of anger, rather I emailed out of anger. And as predicted in a face to face confrontation as I explained my side of how things looked, she did a little back peddling on things that she said, justified why she said certain things and I retreated. She was hurt. Said I slapped her in the face when she was trying to support me. I hurt her feelings. She knew things were different between us but for me to say that to her, she was really disappointed. “I know I don’t always have the right words…” is what she said. Those words she used made me look stupid. “The customer is always right.” No they aren’t. The customers can be a**holes and they use that to their advantage.

But this was what it was all about. Me being made to look like an imbecile and I stated this. She does try to weasel out of phone calls that she should be taking since I’m “not equipped to handle delicate situations/issues”. I’m not equipped so to speak, but I am equipped with how to contain a situation, to get it to the next person and appease the public. But that’s the situation. In the end, she took a dig at me regarding this situation. I let that one roll over. looks Oh look. I’ve got an email about our discussion. I may apologized for hurting her one day. shrugs No grudge, just…shrugs

I’m smart. I’m intelligent. But I don’t have a college education. Again, I have no marketable skills to change jobs. I have no marketable skills to change careers. I recognize this. So I have taken steps to make moves. It’s daring. It’s scary. I’m 40 years old. That’s about 20 years too late to figure out what I want to do with myself. Well, when I was 17, I wanted to be a journalist and/or a psychiatrist. At 20, I had a baby. Thus my course was altered for the better actually.

But that’s for another time I suppose.
Respectably yours,
Sister…

P.S. I swear my initial, glitch deleted entry made for a better story.

Last updated October 23, 2014