3 stroke survivor,car in shop,husband oppositional defiant disorder in Life of a cat mom

I have survived 3 strokes. Side effects to these strokes? Horrible memory. Severe clinical depression. I can’t control my blood pressure and as many antidepressants the doctor gave me I still have the urge to die. Some days I name my bills to make myself get out of bed. I firmly believe do no harm but take no shit. I hate myself I hate my life but I believe in the 3 fold law. I refuse to harm myself or other I live often to regret that choice. Whatever I do comes back 3 fold. I better make it positive.

My 30 year old Dodge Spirit is in the shop. Transmission problems. I am stranded at the hotel. I have to stay because nobody will drive me to work for my 5:30 beginning shift.

My husband refuses to work every time I suggest it he makes my life a living hell. I get to go home after work tomorrow. I wish I had somewhere else to go. My husband wants sex but he wants to act like a bastard. He acts fascinated when I tell him solve his own urges I don’t reward bad behavior. Honestly I rather never have sex again as long as I dont tolerate his behaviors.